As a parent, my daughters frequently inquire about my upbringing. Some evenings, their curiosity seems genuine, while other times, I suspect they’re merely stalling for bedtime. I often recount neatly packaged stories from my childhood, like the tale of a German shepherd that frightened me on my way to school and the strategies I devised to avoid it.
However, there’s a deeper narrative about my mother that I rarely share, one that I am just beginning to comprehend. My mother was just 23 when she had me, 34 when her marriage ended, and 42 when she achieved sobriety. Through these experiences, she imparted a subtle yet profound lesson. Today, we might refer to it as a “joy-hack,” an ironic title considering her own mother’s name was Joy.
Growing up, we didn’t have much in terms of finances, so our possessions weren’t luxurious or brand-name. I often wore hand-me-down clothes, while she skillfully crafted her work outfits from various materials she had on hand. I could claim that she taught me to avoid yearning for material possessions, but the truth is that I still find myself wanting and purchasing things. What she really instilled in me was the ability to discover joy amid life’s challenges. This is a lesson I have drawn on countless times, and I aspire to pass it on to my daughters. However, it’s a lesson best learned through example, showing them how to reach for joy even when circumstances seem dire. Simply telling them, “You can still be happy when life is tough,” wouldn’t suffice.
This lesson emerges vividly in moments of difficulty, such as the time I faced a laundry disaster. With a sudden rainstorm, I heard my middle daughter exclaim, “Mom, I don’t have any pants!” I rummaged through a cupboard and handed her a pair of stained leggings. She wrinkled her nose and said, “These have a hole. My teacher sends me to the nurse if stuff has a hole.”
Instead of succumbing to frustration, I grabbed my sewing kit. As I attempted to mend the tear, the stretchy fabric bunched awkwardly. Instead of tightening up in anxiety, I decided to sew a smiley face with squinty eyes onto the fabric, turning an accident into something fun. “Mom, you are so awesome!” she exclaimed, and in that moment, I reflected on how truly awesome my mom had been.
Years ago, my husband and I faced severe financial strain as our business floundered during an economic downturn. Life felt overwhelmingly heavy, and panic threatened to paralyze me. Yet, in the midst of despair, I found solace in the familiar texture of a quilt draped over the sofa. Running my fingers along its squares, I discovered a sense of calm. I noticed a triangle of green fabric that sparked hope, reminding me of the brilliance of a sunny day captured in a scrap of orange and red.
Life inevitably presents challenges, filled with our mistakes and unfortunate events. However, my mother equipped me with the resilience to find something to hold onto, preserving a part of my spirit even in tough times.
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In summary, the essence of my mother’s teaching lies in the ability to find joy and hope amid adversity. This lesson, rooted in her life experiences, is one I aim to pass on to my daughters through my actions and resilience.
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