Every parent of a high school senior understands the challenges accompanying the college admissions process. It can feel like a grueling test of parenting skills, straining the bond that has taken years to build. The stress can disrupt what once seemed like a solid relationship, and the thought of impending physical and emotional distance looms large.
One autumn day during my daughter Emma’s senior year, I decided to shift our focus away from the pressures of college applications. Instead of discussing essays and deadlines, I casually asked, “Emma, have you thought about what you’d like to do this summer?”
She paused dramatically and responded, “I don’t know, but everyone says the summer before college is supposed to be the best summer of my life.” That caught me off guard. “The best summer of her life”—what did that entail? Was she planning on sleeping in, socializing with friends, and minimizing family interactions?
Reflecting on my own pre-college summer, I remembered working as a counselor at a local camp, filled with the excitement of supervising rambunctious kids. It was enjoyable, particularly because of the attractive counselors, but it wasn’t exactly thrilling. I spent evenings with friends at the beach, hardly prioritizing quality time with my parents, assuming they would always be there while my friends and I ventured into new paths.
Where did Emma’s notion of “the best summer” originate? Not wanting to belittle her, I allowed the topic to fade. Then one evening, after some of the college admissions stress had eased, she broached the idea of summer activities again. She had read about mothers and daughters traveling together and thought it would be a wonderful opportunity for us.
To my surprise, she was initiating quality time rather than me pleading for it! However, I couldn’t help but wonder if this contradicted the parenting advice I had absorbed about allowing children to create distance. Nevertheless, I was not going to overthink it—she would soon leave home, and I intended to seize any chance to bond.
Soon enough, she expressed her desire to take charge of planning our trip, deciding on the activities, places to visit, and dining options, while leaving the less enjoyable details—flights, accommodations, and logistics—to me. I accepted her terms.
Emma chose Spain as our destination. She meticulously researched each city, planned our daily itinerary, and identified local delicacies to try. As I don’t speak Spanish, I relied on her to translate. For the first time, she assumed the role of leader while I became the one dependent on her.
During our travels, we enjoyed reading The Joy Luck Club and Glitter and Glue, which complemented our journey perfectly. Each night, we would unwind together, discussing various mother-daughter dynamics and reflecting on our own relationship.
Witnessing Emma’s evolution from a teenager to a capable young adult ready to explore the world was truly a gift. Although she still occasionally struggled with responsibilities, like misplacing her passport, it allowed me to feel needed once more.
One unforgettable evening, we dined at an outdoor café, where Emma sought my insights about my college experiences and asked for advice on making the most of hers. We delved into the importance of enjoying life without losing control, working hard while avoiding grade obsession, and being engaged without overcommitting. We also explored the significance of setting both short-term and long-term life goals, emphasizing the value of taking risks and embracing the unfamiliar. That night, we reminisced late into the night, looking through childhood photos.
As we returned home, the remaining weeks of summer raced by. Before I knew it, we were in her dorm room, hugging goodbye. Summer had come to an end, and she was prepared to embark on this new chapter. Before leaving, I made sure to pin a photo of us from Barcelona on her wall.
You don’t need to travel internationally to create lasting memories with your child; even a simple weekend camping trip or a local adventure can provide valuable bonding time. Prioritizing special moments during the summer prior to college is essential. Don’t miss out on this opportunity.
For now, Emma may view our summer together as the best of her life, but I know she is just beginning to forge her path, with many more wonderful summers ahead. As for me, it ranks high among my own cherished summers, offering me a reservoir of memories and an opportunity to connect, making our eventual separation a bit easier to bear.
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Summary
Navigating the college admissions process can strain the parent-child relationship, making the summer before college a crucial time for connection. A mother and daughter’s journey to Spain becomes an opportunity for bonding and personal growth, transforming their relationship. Quality time together can take many forms, and it’s important to seize these moments before life changes.
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