It can be flattering to receive attention from men and even from other women. To some degree, all women desire to feel wanted, noticed, and appreciated. We long to be seen and to feel beautiful. Thus, when a man acknowledges our appearance, it can be a pleasant experience—sometimes.
Throughout my life, including my middle school years, I have frequently been “noticed” by men. I remember a particular incident in 6th grade when I was riding my bike, and an older man in a truck rolled down his window, whistled, and made an unsettling gesture with his hands and tongue. At that moment, I was confused but instinctively understood it was inappropriate; it left me feeling uncomfortable and disturbed.
Experiences like this have been a weekly occurrence throughout my life. Unfortunately, many women can relate, as certain men seem to believe we exist for their enjoyment. This perspective is not only offensive but also deeply troubling.
Over the years, I’ve learned to navigate these situations. I’ve become skilled at avoiding eye contact with men who make demeaning comments about my appearance, walking past them as if I am unaffected by their remarks. However, after high school, I faced sexual abuse multiple times, leading me to internalize a damaging belief: that my worth to men was primarily sexual, and somehow that was my fault.
I have been labeled as a “sensual person.” In one counseling session, while discussing my traumatic experiences, the counselor remarked, “Well, you are a very sensual person.” I was taken aback and asked her to elaborate. She explained that my style and mannerisms conveyed a natural sensuality. This notion perpetuated the idea that my beauty was an invitation for men to misuse me.
No one ever catcalls about your intelligence or kindness. Comments are rarely about your potential as a lifelong partner or your remarkable personality. It always boils down to sex. It’s about your body and what it can offer to others. The focus is never on you; it’s always on them.
Recently, a married man expressed interest in me. Initially, the light flirting felt nice, especially after years of focusing solely on motherhood. It was a boost to my self-esteem, and I experienced excitement after a long time. However, once I learned he was married, the situation deteriorated into yet another instance where his interest was only about his own desires.
Women often find themselves in a no-win situation. If you are deemed attractive, it seems to invite unwanted attention and disrespect. This reality is disheartening. I work diligently to maintain my body and take pride in my appearance, not to seek validation from men. I dress well for myself, not to attract attention from married men or to provoke comments from strangers.
When I do receive unsolicited attention, I feel compelled to cover up, to dress in a way that hides my body, or to lower my gaze to avoid drawing attention. I often feel guilty for possessing any outward beauty that might catch a man’s eye.
It is frustrating to confront a societal norm where some men are driven by their own sexual impulses, disregarding the humanity of the women they objectify. Not all men operate this way, but those who do create an environment where women struggle to feel comfortable in their own skin.
To those men who believe women exist for your pleasure, let it be clear: we are not here for your enjoyment. Your catcalls are not flattering; they are offensive. Your attempts to engage with me under the guise of flirtation, especially when you’re married, do not uplift me—they repulse me.
I refuse to hide myself or to feel ashamed for dressing in a way that expresses my personal style. I do not want to be an object of desire; I reject the notion of being a mere fantasy or a means for someone else’s gratification. My identity as a woman is not something to be exploited. My beauty is not open for negotiation, and neither is my body.
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In summary, women deserve to be recognized and appreciated for their whole selves, not just their physical appearance. The focus should not be on objectifying women but on acknowledging their humanity, intelligence, and strength.
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