- When it comes to outfit selection, always resist the first choice that your mother makes. Remember, she packed extra outfits for a reason—she wants to see you try them all on! Feel free to rummage through the suitcase without tidying up afterward; it’s something she secretly enjoys.
- Skip breakfast entirely. Instead of munching on the snacks available in your hotel room, hold out for something unique once you leave. Be bold and imaginative when making your breakfast requests.
- If the shuttle to Downtown Disney is running 45 minutes late, wait until it’s nearly in sight before announcing your urgent need to use the restroom. After all, it’s a perfect opportunity for a sprint—mom has always aspired to be a runner!
- Claim your right to sit several rows away from your parents on the bus. It’s a golden chance to meet new friends, and they can’t keep an eye on you from that distance. This strategy works even better if you have a sibling who enjoys the same seating arrangement.
- Never, under any circumstances, get into that stroller voluntarily. It’s a cumbersome contraption that your father hauls around for his own amusement. Resist it at all costs!
- At lunchtime, limit yourself to just a few bites of rice. Your parents have stocked their bags with far superior snacks for the airplane ride. Save your appetite for those treats!
- As you prepare to leave for the airport, keep expressing your desire to remain on vacation. A well-timed tantrum can effectively convey how much you loved your trip. Splitting to the ground in despair is the ultimate expression of gratitude for a fun getaway.
- Fun fact: Airports are exhilarating places to dash through. Lure your parents into a false sense of security by staying close during check-in. Once the stroller is checked, make your escape—freedom awaits! Everyone will find it adorable, including security.
- While waiting in line for security or just before boarding the plane, voice any grievances you have. Make sure to perform a dramatic meltdown right there in line. When your father picks you up to carry you onto the gangway, scream “Let go! You’re not my parents!” for maximum effect.
- Once you’re on the plane, claim your territory. Don’t let younger siblings invade your space or touch your belongings. If they try, alert your parents loudly. Remember the incident from yesterday when you encouraged your sister to climb on the Speedway ride’s metal bars? Now’s a perfect time to revisit that moment.
- When the flight attendant brings your drink, if it’s not apple juice, make sure to express your dissatisfaction loudly. Kick the seat in front of you until they rectify their mistake.
- Drink as much as possible to take advantage of those fascinating airplane restrooms. It’s an experience akin to “peeing in a closet,” something everyone should check off their bucket list.
- Frequently ask your mother if she has passed gas. Assertively claim that she has, ensuring it’s loud enough for everyone to hear.
- Celebrate mischievous behavior with high fives among siblings. If you happen to spill a drink on your mother, it’s a win-win: she gets a new scent but doesn’t pack on the calories!
- Just before landing, signal your siblings to check out. Fall asleep on your dad while letting your sister do the same with your mom. Witnessing your parents juggle their belongings without waking you is a sight to behold. The other passengers will find it hilarious, and your parents will become acrobatic ninjas. Stay asleep until you reach the car, then cry all the way home due to exhaustion.
Bonus points: Consider wetting the bed upon your return home.
For more insights into parenthood, including helpful tips on home insemination, visit Make a Mom. For reliable information on pregnancy, check out UCSF’s Center, a trusted resource. Knowledge about the ins and outs of self-insemination can also be found at Cryobaby.
In summary, employing these strategies will ensure your final day of a Disney vacation is memorable—albeit not in the way your parents had envisioned.
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