50 Essential Insights for Parenting Young Children

1. Avoid super glue in homes with young kids—it’s a recipe for disaster.
2. Sharpies should also be kept out of reach.
3. Allowing your child to play with your phone “just once” is a slippery slope.
4. Refrain from using Google for medical diagnoses; it’s rarely reliable.
5. Dollar store toys come with a price tag of frustration and regret far exceeding a dollar.
6. The so-called “terrible twos” can stretch well into age four—or beyond.
7. Always have baby wipes handy, even after diapers are a thing of the past.
8. Think twice before buying character Band-Aids; you might find yourself replenishing them weekly.
9. Stock up on Goldfish crackers; they’re a lifesaver (the snacks, not the fish).
10. Avoid purchasing bunk beds unless absolutely necessary—they can be hazardous.
11. Keep a record of birthday gifts to avoid duplicate presents.
12. Do not keep batteries in your house, or you’ll end up powering noisy toys again.
13. Buy Mr. Clean Erasers in bulk; they will become your best friend.
14. Regularly back up your photos; better yet, print them out for keepsakes.
15. Always check the oven before turning it on to avoid any accidents.
16. Making beds is often a futile effort.
17. Accept that you will inevitably become like your mother.
18. Always check pockets before laundry day to avoid surprises.
19. Never believe you can “just run” into a store with children in tow.
20. Capture more moments on video; they’ll be cherished later.
21. Daily baths? They’re overrated, trust me.
22. Seek out young babysitters and nurture them; the less appealing, the better.
23. Keep plenty of one-dollar bills accessible for lost teeth or bribery.
24. Always have emergency snacks in the car for unexpected delays.
25. Store expensive cosmetics well out of reach—think higher than tippy toes.
26. The four-year-old check-up is a challenge; brace yourself.
27. Look before you sit down to use the restroom.
28. Train your kids to pick up Legos before bedtime—stepping on one is painful.
29. Reserve the word “no” for when it truly counts.
30. Apply sunscreen liberally; better safe than sorry.
31. Approach that stray raisin on the floor with caution; it may not be what you think.
32. Never purchase kids’ clothing at full price; sales are inevitable.
33. There’s a reason parents surprise kids with Disney trips: the anticipation can be overwhelming.
34. Don’t trust children when they insist they don’t need to use the bathroom before leaving.
35. Lock your bedroom door for some privacy.
36. Also secure your bathroom door.
37. Avoid opening a soda can handed to you by a child.
38. Walk away from meltdowns; or capture them for future laughs.
39. Hair will grow back, even if it’s a disaster now.
40. However, Barbie dolls won’t benefit from a haircut—hide those scissors.
41. Limit yourself to two pairs of shoes at a time; they’ll outgrow them quickly.
42. Kids won’t walk that puppy as often as you hope, no matter what they promise.
43. Donate the books you dread reading.
44. No child has ever taken a pacifier to college.
45. Avoid toys that disassemble unless the child can reassemble them independently.
46. Keep a hidden stash of lollipops for emergencies.
47. Play-Doh and carpets? A recipe for disaster—keep it outside.
48. Television won’t actually turn their brains to mush; moderation is key.
49. A bathroom shared with boys will never smell fresh.
50. Parenting doesn’t get easier; it merely evolves.

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In summary, navigating parenthood involves a steep learning curve filled with both challenges and joys. These insights serve as a humorous but practical guide for those embarking on the journey of raising young children.