Raising a daughter can be a complex journey, especially for those who have experienced childhood trauma. As I navigate motherhood, I find myself grappling with the lingering impact of my own past.
“Momma, can I wear some make-up?” my daughter asks. I respond, “You’re beautiful just as you are, but if you want to try it, go ahead.” Internally, though, I wrestle with concerns about beauty, sexuality, and safety. The instinct to say no to anything that sexualizes her is strong; I want to shield her from the unwanted attention of potential predators. However, I understand that danger often lurks in familiar places rather than in overt approaches.
Reflecting on my childhood, I realize that becoming a sexual object was not about my appearance but rather the vulnerability that predators exploit. This awareness makes it difficult to hear compliments directed at my daughter from men, as it stirs the fear of her becoming a target. I want to arm her with the tools to protect herself, teaching her to recognize and trust her intuition—what we call the “uh-oh” feeling. This concept, introduced to me by a social worker during my internship, resonates deeply. It’s crucial for her to heed this instinct, rather than fear it.
Yet, I often face irrational fears during innocent moments, like when my partner helps our daughter shower or plays games with her. I must remind myself that I will not perpetuate the cycle of abuse, whether as a victim or potential abuser. Acknowledging these fears is essential to breaking free from the past.
The silence surrounding survivors’ experiences is palpable. Discussions about how trauma resurfaces during motherhood are vital in fostering healthier environments for our daughters.
“Momma, if a boy kisses you, does that mean he loves you?” she asks. Here, I see the importance of teaching her that love is about respect and consent, not merely physical affection. I explain, “A boy might kiss you because he wants to, but it doesn’t mean he loves you. You should only allow kisses if you want them. If someone crosses that boundary, you have every right to stand up for yourself.”
As a mother to both a daughter and a son, I recognize the need to protect all children from harm. My focus here is on my daughter’s journey, but my concerns extend to my son too, as I am aware of the many male survivors who face their own challenges.
For those interested in exploring home insemination options, I recommend checking out resources such as Make a Mom or BabyMaker, which provide valuable insights. Additionally, the UCSF Center is an excellent resource for further information related to pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, parenting as a survivor involves a unique blend of awareness, education, and emotional resilience. By fostering open conversations about boundaries and consent, we can empower our daughters to navigate the complexities of the world safely.
Leave a Reply