Updated: August 15, 2015
Originally Published: October 19, 2013
When I discovered I was expecting a daughter, my excitement was overwhelming. I envisioned a world filled with tulle dresses and matching outfits. If they offered mommy-and-me tutus, I was all in. However, beneath this joy lay a deep-seated fear; the thought of raising a girl felt daunting. For years, I have battled an eating disorder, grappling with binge eating, negative self-image, body dysmorphia, and obesity. I underwent bariatric surgery at 28, believing it to be a solution, but it only led to years of anorexia. I’ve seen every size from 300 pounds to nearly 100, perpetually dissatisfied with my weight.
How could I instill self-love in my daughter when I am still on that journey myself? How could I teach her about her limitless potential when I’ve spent so much time shackled to a scale, measuring my worth by a number? For years, I felt either “too much” or “not enough.” How could I reassure this precious girl, even before she was born, that she was “just right”? While I can’t entirely shield her from struggles, I can establish guiding principles for both of us to live by:
1. Avoid “Shoulding” Yourself
Women often impose unrealistic expectations on themselves regarding how they should look or what they should achieve. This “should” mentality can lead to guilt and shame. Instead, focus on affirming your worth.
2. Practice Daily Affirmations
Shift your mindset from seeking flaws to recognizing your strengths. Challenge negative thoughts by reflecting on your unique qualities and accomplishments. Look in the mirror and affirm these truths about yourself, even if it feels uncomfortable.
3. Encourage Your Friends
Extend the same affirmations to your friends. Instead of judging their choices, support them in embracing their individuality. A strong network of friends who accept you as you are is invaluable.
4. Food as Fuel
Understand that food serves as nourishment, not a source of comfort or shame. Early on, I viewed food as a friend, but that relationship was destructive. Recognize food for what it is—fuel for your body—and don’t let it control you.
5. Release Guilt and Shame
Guilt and secrecy can lead to shame, which often spirals into addiction. Whatever you’ve experienced, forgive yourself. Speaking to someone can help, and remember, true loved ones will also forgive you.
6. Reject Perfection
The concept of perfection is unattainable and can lead to feelings of inadequacy. Embrace your flaws, as they contribute to your uniqueness. Aim for authenticity instead.
7. Live Your Own Truth
For years, I conformed to what I thought others wanted from me, sacrificing my happiness. Now, I’ve found joy in living authentically, free from the constraints of others’ expectations.
8. Your Worth is Not Determined by Size
Do not let the scale dictate your happiness. Remember that you are more than just a number. Repeat this affirmation frequently until it resonates.
My pregnancy brought about a myriad of physical changes—morning sickness, swollen feet, and awkward moments—but it also offered a new perspective. For the first time, I could appreciate my body for its capabilities. The grip of my eating disorder has loosened, allowing me to find a sense of peace.
I used to wish for a different body, but now I pray for the strength to guide my daughter away from the path I once traveled. For more insights on parenting and fertility, check out this informative blog post and consider resources like this one on IVF for a deeper understanding of pregnancy.
In summary, while I can’t control my daughter’s journey, I can equip her with the tools to cultivate self-love and resilience.
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