Before I embraced parenthood, I mistakenly believed I would exert full control over the children who would someday live under my roof. This illusion is often fostered by those without children, who tend to blame parents for their offspring’s behavior in public. Yet, every parent quickly learns that children reserve their most outrageous tantrums and attention-grabbing antics for public venues, where their parents are least prepared to handle them. Why unleash a good meltdown within the confines of home when the checkout line at a store offers an eager audience? Why not share a dramatic scream at a restaurant right after the meal has been ordered? Children, in their mischievous brilliance, know how to stage their performances for maximum effect.
After over a decade of parenting, I’ve come to recognize several areas where I have little to no control over my children. Accepting this reality not only saves me frustration but also enhances our overall family dynamic. While I don’t typically dispense parenting advice—acknowledging that each child is distinct—I want to share a few key battles you might want to avoid for your mental well-being:
1. Food Choices
You are responsible for providing nutritious meals, but ultimately, your child decides what and how much to eat. It’s futile to force anyone to eat against their will. You can try persuasion or incentives, but forcing a child to consume quinoa, for instance, is unlikely to yield positive results. The objective is to create a peaceful atmosphere around mealtime, rather than turning it into a battleground. Offer healthy options, and let them choose what to eat. This approach will prevent unnecessary stress, and any perceived “victory” in getting them to eat something they dislike will be short-lived. Children rarely admit to changing their minds about foods; they might eat it begrudgingly but will likely resent the experience.
2. Sleep Schedules
While setting a bedtime is essential, you cannot compel a child to fall asleep. Sleep operates on their terms, and demanding compliance typically leads to more resistance. It’s more productive to maintain a calm and soothing environment, reinforcing a bedtime routine that is comforting rather than confrontational. In my household, with multiple children, sleep resistance is a regular challenge. Instead of fighting it, I offer my child a choice: they can read quietly in bed or I can join them to provide comfort. While I sometimes struggle with patience, I remind myself that these moments are fleeting.
3. Potty Training
Potty training can be one of the most humbling experiences for a parent. No matter how many children you’ve trained, each child brings unique challenges. For example, despite knowing the steps to use the potty, my youngest would often surprise me by choosing to go on the carpet instead. It wasn’t accidental; it was his way of asserting independence. This phase often feels like a power struggle, but it’s crucial to remember that your child is developing autonomy and learning to navigate their own bodily functions.
There’s also a fourth potential battle I’m not yet ready to address: discussions about sexual health and relationships. While I can provide guidance and create an informed environment, the ultimate decisions will lie with my children. I anticipate that this topic may prove even more complex than the previous three, and I might need some stress relief mechanisms, like those offered at Make A Mom, to navigate it.
In summary, understanding what battles to avoid in parenting can lead to a more harmonious family life. Focus on providing a nurturing environment while accepting the limits of your control in certain areas.
Leave a Reply