On May 30, 2014, I received a diagnosis of Stage 4 lung cancer. Individuals with this condition typically have a life expectancy of around one year, and treatment options are primarily focused on improving quality of life during that time. While there may be discussions around experimental treatments in the future, I feel a sense of clarity about my situation.
In the summer of 2010, during a family trip to Bethany Beach, I was surrounded by joy—kids building sandcastles, friends laughing, and waves crashing. Yet, I found myself in a state of anxiety. My mind was preoccupied with work emails and unwritten blog posts. It wasn’t until the drive home that I experienced a profound realization: I was missing the beauty of the moment, unaware that I was living a precious experience.
That day marked a turning point for me. I made a conscious choice to embrace each moment, which transformed my perspective on life. This decision shifted my existence from a personal hell—marked by a constant sense of being overwhelmed and unfulfilled—to a living heaven, where I could appreciate the abundance of joy around me, even in the small things.
I discovered heaven in various unexpected places. During long car rides with my children, instead of viewing these moments as burdensome, I engaged them in meaningful conversations, introducing them to music and sharing stories. Additionally, I cherished afternoons spent on the gym floor with my daughter while waiting for her brother to finish school. Those playful moments, where we crafted imaginary games and shared laughter, became indelible memories.
However, even this earthly paradise comes with its challenges. We moved into a new house in March—a beautiful space where my children will grow up. While it is a dream come true, it also brings a bittersweet ache, as I grapple with the reality of my limited time. I have had a fulfilling life, yet the thought of not being there to witness my kids grow is a heavy burden.
My children bring me immense joy. They are bright, loving, and full of life, and I wish nothing more than to see them thrive. The thought of them growing up without their father is unbearable. I want to ensure their happiness and be present in their lives. I also deeply care for my wife, who deserves all the happiness in the world. I wish I could do more for her in this time.
Acceptance and sadness can coexist in this journey. While sadness is a natural part of the human experience, I choose to accept my reality. Life is finite, and while the acknowledgment of my impending time may lead to sorrow, I also recognize the gift of love and connection I’ve experienced with my family.
As I navigate this journey, I realize that my body’s future is uncertain. Yet, I hold onto the truth that I am fortunate to be surrounded by love—by a wonderful wife and two incredible children.
I have a small request for you, the reader. My daughter tends to be shy; if you see her playing alone, don’t hesitate to approach her. Engage with her, as she truly enjoys the company. My son is sensitive and perceptive; every word you share will leave an impression. Treat him with kindness and respect, as he has a brilliant mind. Lastly, my wife deserves support and encouragement. Help her find joy and relaxation amidst her responsibilities; she is a remarkable woman who has dedicated herself to our family.
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In summary, life is a complex interplay of joy and sorrow. We must cherish our moments while accepting the inevitability of change. The beauty of existence lies in our relationships and experiences, and even in the face of adversity, there is still much to be grateful for.
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