Parenting can sometimes feel like navigating a minefield of behaviors that, if exhibited by an adult, would likely lead to serious legal repercussions. Here’s a humorous look at some of the actions my toddler, Oliver, engages in that would certainly raise eyebrows if they were performed by an adult:
- Stripping off his trousers at the playground.
- Whacking a baby on the head with a wooden toy.
- Attempting to ride the family dog.
- Aiming his genitals at passersby while making laser sound effects.
- Deliberately urinating on his friends.
- Yanking hair without remorse.
- Tugging down a woman’s shirt and exclaiming, “I WANT BOOB!”
- Defecating in the backyard.
- Consistently vandalizing property.
- Swinging sticks at unfamiliar children.
- Threatening friends and family with phrases like, “I kill you.”
- Striking the dog with a toy sword.
- Peeing on the floor of a retail store.
- Devouring an entire box of cookies while shopping.
- Disrobing in a department store.
- Removing his pants on school grounds.
- Stripping down in a church setting.
- Repeatedly taking off his pants.
- Ignoring all posted “do not enter” signs in museums.
- Touching artworks with reckless abandon.
- Attempting to urinate on exhibits in art galleries.
- sneaking beneath ropes at security checkpoints.
- Disrobing at TSA security.
- Hitting his sibling with sticks and metal objects.
- Throwing rocks at other children.
- Stripping at a state park.
- Disregarding social norms by spraying unsuspecting bystanders with a hose.
- Climbing on fire trucks despite signs indicating otherwise.
- Exposing himself to peers while shouting, “I HAVE PENIS!”
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Summary: This article playfully highlights the outrageous behaviors of toddlers that would be deemed unacceptable for adults, offering a lighthearted perspective on parenting trials while also providing resources for those interested in home insemination.
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