One late afternoon, while I was engrossed in work in the kitchen, my son, Lucas, burst through the garden doors, his cheeks flushed with excitement. A helmet was perched askew on his head. “Mom!” he exclaimed, but my gaze remained fixed on the screen. “Mom!” he repeated, this time louder, “I can ride a bike!” Now, he had my full attention.
Two years ago, we had gifted him a sleek new bike for his fifth birthday. The shopkeeper had assured us it was the perfect size for Lucas, who is taller than most kids his age. However, that decision proved to be a mistake. Lucas is cautious by nature, and during our initial outings, he struggled to maintain balance, with the training wheels offering little reassurance. I found myself gripping the back of his seat, desperately trying to prevent both him and the bike from tumbling over.
After a few attempts, our enthusiasm waned. The rainy autumn transitioned into a dreary winter, leaving the bike to collect dust and rust. During that time, Lucas welcomed the arrival of a baby sister and brother. When spring came, life felt different; I was often too exhausted to manage my own needs, let alone teach him to ride. Lucas, in turn, found new interests outside, often abandoning his bike.
As children grow, there is an inherent process of letting go. This can be gradual, a natural consequence of time passing, or it can be catalyzed by life changes. The arrival of twins certainly created some distance between me and my now six-year-old son. Where I once knew the minutiae of his daily life, I found myself tucking him in at night with only fragmented stories from the past week. My once firm grip on his life had loosened, and as he adapted, I realized he was evolving too.
That summer, Lucas began forming friendships—a challenging endeavor for him. Our home sat within a development adjacent to a parking lot, and the path from our garden led directly to other houses. Soon, boys his age were calling for him to come outside and play. Initially, we hesitated; was he old enough to wander 100 meters alone to the next yard? To explore unsupervised? Other parents seemed confident in their children’s independence, and eventually, we agreed.
This group of kids became a regular presence. Lucas would come home from school and, alongside his siblings, eagerly seek them out. If the weather was inclement, they gathered indoors; on sunny days, they raced along the stretch of sidewalk outside, sharing each other’s bikes. They formed a collective of bicycles—some with training wheels, others without, alongside balance bikes designed to teach children how to ride through self-stabilization. This method encourages kids to learn balance independently, contrasting with the safety net provided by training wheels.
This scenario serves as an apt metaphor for parenting. In one approach, we allow our children to learn balance as they navigate the path to adulthood, even if they wobble along the way. In the other, we provide support that may feel safer but could impede their ability to find equilibrium. I recalled how I used to “encourage” Lucas to walk at 13 months, despite his apparent lack of readiness, dragging him around the room as he protested. Those attempts were more for my benefit, an impatience for him to meet milestones as my first child.
Of course, Lucas eventually took his first steps, and I was there to witness those moments—his first words, his first successful use of the potty, and the moment he buttoned his shirt for the first time. Each milestone was a joy to behold. However, the pride reflected in his eyes when he burst through those garden doors recently, eager to show me his newfound biking skills—skills he had acquired independently—was different. I realized that while I had not directly taught him to ride, I had given him the space to learn on his own.
What I lost in that moment was softened by the joy he radiated from his achievement. It became clear that parenting is about more than just the milestones we share; it’s also about the profound satisfaction we find in watching our children reach their goals without our intervention. Those moments of independence can be even more rewarding.
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In summary, recognizing our children’s milestones—especially those achieved independently—is essential in fostering their growth. While guiding them through their initial steps is crucial, celebrating their self-taught skills can foster a greater sense of pride and independence.
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