Dining with toddlers can sometimes test the limits of your patience. However, remember that their behavior is simply a reflection of their understanding of toddler etiquette rather than a lack of manners. Here’s a humorous yet insightful guide to navigating mealtime with your little one.
- Dress Code – Make a statement by arriving at the table in a casual manner, which may include missing a sock, shoe, or even pants. For formal occasions, donning additional stickers is a fun touch.
- Bring a Companion – Never dine alone; a favorite toy is a must-have at the table. If needed, negotiate for a plus-one by holding your toy hostage.
- Exercise Patience – Wait until seating assignments are settled before claiming your preferred lap or chair.
- Proper Posture – You’ll know you’re sitting up correctly when you find yourself on your feet in the chair.
- Priority Ordering – Start placing your food orders long before dinner begins and continue until you’re asleep.
- Napkin Placement – Napkins belong on the floor, so crumple yours and toss it down. For formal meals, allow it to drift to the ground gracefully.
- Bathroom Breaks – Just as the meal is being served, request a trip to the bathroom.
- Table Crossing – Instead of reaching, consider crawling across the table to get what you need.
- Utensil Handling – Hold your spoon or fork like a drumstick, ready to create a rhythm on the table.
- Food Compliments – Make sure to declare others’ meals superior, and tactfully request to share until you need to resort to force.
- Table Talk – If you eat what feels like all your food, you should negotiate for dessert and additional playtime, but only after securing a late bedtime.
- Face Cleanliness – Use your arm to wipe your face clean, while allowing your nose to run freely.
- Bite-Sized Portions – Aim to consume your meal in one large bite. If it tastes strange, give someone the chance to catch your food before it exits your mouth.
- Mouth Etiquette – Keep your mouth open while chewing to ensure everyone knows you’re eating.
- Utensil Loss – If you lose a utensil, make a show of searching under the table or toss it across the room.
- Timeliness – You may either eat at lightning speed or not at all.
- Elevated Eating – Instead of lowering your head to eat, present your utensil to your mouth, ensuring maximum mess.
- Food Gestures – Use your utensils to wave your food around, making it more likely to fly off.
- Complaining about Courses – Always send back at least one dish. If it’s not perfect, throw it or kick it away.
- Course Expectations – Request more dishes than anyone else, as a seven-course meal is just a snack to you.
- Self-Butter – Refuse help with buttering your bread, and instead, use ketchup as a substitute.
- Spillage for Friends – Ensure that at least half of your drink ends up on the floor, making your imaginary friends very happy.
- Leftover Saving – Ask someone to save your uneaten food for later, but never touch it again.
- Avoidance Tactics – When you leave the table, slide under it and out of reach from adults.
- Chef Appreciation – Insist that the chef (likely Mom or Dad) is the only one capable of holding you, and make them do so indefinitely.
While these toddler rules may be amusing, they also serve as a reminder that one day, your child will grasp the principles of table manners. Until that day arrives, indulge in some candy while they sleep, as a little sweet revenge.
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Summary
This article humorously outlines 25 rules that toddlers tend to follow at the dinner table, emphasizing the playful chaos they bring to family meals. While their behavior can be challenging, it reflects their developmental stage, and with time, they will learn proper etiquette.
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