Expecting a child or navigating the early days of motherhood often comes with an avalanche of unsolicited advice. Well-meaning individuals might share gems like “cherish every moment” or “nap when the baby naps.” Really? While I may not have all the answers, there’s one critical piece of guidance I wish I had received when my little one came along: Don’t be that mom who believes she knows everything.
I see you, the Overly Controlling New Mom. You’re just like I was—immersed in research, scouring the internet, and compiling lists. You think that by accumulating knowledge, you’ll have a solid grasp on parenting. However, I’m here to tell you, as a mother of five who has been through the trenches, you’re creating the wrong dynamic. Whether you have one baby or several, you DO NOT want to be the parenting expert. Here’s why:
My Journey into Motherhood
Let’s rewind to the moment I welcomed my first child. My husband took a brief two-week paternity leave, and while he was around, I took on the bulk of the baby care. I fed him, changed him, and planned every minute of his day, armed with my parenting books. If my husband attempted to pick him up, I would inevitably interject with “helpful” advice about how to hold or burp him—oh, and now he’s crying! Give him back to me, please.
Fast forward to last Saturday morning in my home. I woke up early and prepared breakfast, convinced that only I knew what the kids would eat that day. I dictated their outfits because I was aware of their soccer schedule, despite them having played for two months. Naturally, I knew the location of each child’s soccer gear—shin guards, cleats, and uniforms included.
As we prepared to leave, I found myself tying shoelaces while my husband caught up on his iPad, as he had become accustomed to letting me handle all the details. I handed him the bag filled with lunch, extra clothes, and water bottles. The kids bombarded me with questions, and I fielded them like a pro. By 9 a.m., I was utterly drained from all the planning and decision-making.
Later in the afternoon, I spent my “downtime” answering emails from schools and coaches, all starting with “Just a friendly reminder!” Picking library hours for the kids, deciding which birthday parties we were obligated to attend, and contemplating summer camps. All the while, the kids were glued to the TV, which left me feeling guilty. What was my husband doing? Downloading music on his iPod!
The Dinner Dilemma
And then came dinner time. It was “Dad’s job” to order our usual Saturday night pizza, a ritual we’ve upheld for over six years. Yet, even after ordering the same pizza countless times, my husband still waited for me to instruct him on what to order. I had inadvertently trained him to refrain from making any decisions regarding the kids.
So, who would you prefer to be: the call center operator or the fun parent who plays with the kids? I thought so. But if you’re not careful, you may find yourself in the same predicament. If this happens, you might complain, as many mothers do, but ultimately, it’s likely your own doing.
From the moment your child is born, you’ve subtly communicated to your partner that you want to be the primary decision-maker. You’ve asked them to step back and let you guide them. Now, after years of this, they’ve become adept at waiting for your direction.
Breaking the Cycle
So, please, stop this cycle now. Embrace the chaos—stains, mismatched outfits, missed naps, and even letting your baby watch TV while you unwind with a drink. Allow your partner to make mistakes; it will pave the way for both of you to find joy in parenting. When you return home, resist the urge to criticize the inevitable messes you’ll encounter.
I’m striving to change my ways, but I’ll admit it’s a bit late for me. My hope is to help you avoid the same fate. You’ll thank me later.
Further Insights
For further insights into home insemination and parenting, check out our blog on couples’ fertility journeys. For comprehensive information on fertility resources, visit Mount Sinai’s site. If you’re looking for an efficient insemination solution, take a look at Cryobaby’s home insemination kit.
Conclusion
In summary, while it’s tempting to assume control over every aspect of parenting, relinquishing some authority to your partner can lead to a more enjoyable family dynamic. Embrace the imperfections and enjoy the ride.
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