Parenting guilt. Before becoming a parent, I viewed it as a cliché to dismiss. However, once I became a parent, it evolved into an overwhelming presence that could consume me if I didn’t manage it effectively.
Prior to having children, my guilt came infrequently. Now, it’s a constant companion. I feel remorse for a variety of reasons:
- I spend too little time engaging in play with my children.
- When I do prioritize play, the house remains disorganized.
- I clean the house, but then I hesitate to let the kids enjoy it for fear they’ll make a mess.
- I miss opportunities to take them outside when the weather is nice.
- When I do take them outside, I worry about bug bites.
- I read more with my eldest than with the younger ones.
- There’s the struggle of being either too lenient or too strict.
- I allow them treats, yet sometimes I restrict them.
- I even hide snacks from them to indulge myself.
- I rarely plan educational activities; reality check—I hardly ever do!
- I regret not breastfeeding longer.
- I suspect my dietary choices during pregnancy contributed to my middle child’s allergies.
- I let them watch too much television, occasionally using it as a babysitter.
- I’ve gone out shopping while they cried to accompany me.
- I feel I should be perpetually joyful since I have the privilege of being home with them, a luxury others desire.
- I occasionally raise my voice in frustration.
It seems that any situation can spark feelings of guilt. Many would advise to eliminate this guilt; it’s neither helpful nor constructive. Yet, completely freeing myself from guilt as a parent seems nearly impossible. Consequently, I have chosen to accept my parenting guilt.
I realize that if I don’t feel any guilt, it indicates one of two things:
- I’ve reached an unattainable level of perfection (which I know is not true).
- I’ve lost my sense of concern for my children (a situation I hope to never find myself in).
By embracing my guilt, I can achieve two significant outcomes:
First, I acknowledge that I am not perfect. I strive for it, or at least aim to portray that image, but I am far from flawless. Accepting my imperfections allows me to focus on nurturing my children as an imperfect parent. This, in turn, teaches them to understand that perfection is not a realistic expectation for anyone, including themselves. It also provides an opportunity for me to demonstrate how to mend relationships when my shortcomings inadvertently cause harm.
Second, this guilt serves as a clear indicator of how much I care. If I were indifferent, there would be no basis for guilt. My frequent feelings of remorse confirm my deep desire to prioritize my children’s well-being. This recognition gives me a sense of relief.
When the next wave of parenting guilt approaches, I’ll confront it head-on. I’ll acknowledge its presence, express gratitude for the reminder of my love for my children, and commit to addressing at least one issue I’ve been feeling guilty about. Then, I’ll send it away, knowing it will likely return again.
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In summary, parenting guilt is a common experience that, rather than being dismissed, can be embraced as a sign of care and imperfection. Acknowledging it not only fosters personal growth but also models valuable lessons for our children.
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