During a recent family dinner, I noticed my daughter, Lily, discreetly reaching under her dress.
“Lily, we don’t explore our vulvas at the table. Please go wash your hands and finish your meal,” I instructed. She nodded, hurried to the bathroom, and returned to her plate, continuing to pick at her food.
It’s a common occurrence with young children; they are naturally curious about their bodies. They don’t experience the shame or discomfort that often comes with adulthood. To them, a body is simply a collection of fascinating parts, and exploring these parts is a matter of fact rather than something sexual.
The first time I observed one of my kids engaging in self-exploration, I found myself momentarily frozen, unsure of how to respond. The last thing I wanted to do was react with a loud, “No!” or “Stop!” What lesson would that teach? I didn’t want to instill fear or shame about their bodies.
After contemplating the situation for a couple of days, I was given a second opportunity to address it. I calmly explained, “Sweetie, we don’t play with our vulvas in the living room.” It felt somewhat absurd, but it was important. I emphasized, “It’s perfectly okay to touch your vulva, but it’s a private action. You should only do it in the bathroom or your bedroom. If you feel the need to explore, please head to your room.”
Lily smiled and complied without hesitation; children thrive on clear boundaries and guidelines. Thus, I began to reinforce the idea: “We don’t eat in the bathroom, and we don’t play with our vulvas in the living room.” This eventually evolved to “We don’t touch our vulvas at the table.”
As a parent who embraces a sex-positive mindset, I recognize that this doesn’t mean I discuss the intricacies of sexual experiences with my young children. Instead, it means I approach the topic of sex and bodies with honesty and openness.
Parents often find themselves fabricating stories—about the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, or how long ten minutes really is. However, I choose not to lie about sex. I want my children to grow up without feelings of shame regarding their bodies or confusion about their functions. I avoid myths like cabbage patches or storks and instead engage in open discussions about human reproduction.
I’ve had various conversations with fellow parents regarding “the talk.” However, I believe my children are already informed. They are naturally inquisitive, and we discuss topics related to reproduction frequently. We read books like Where Did I Come From? and What Makes A Baby?, which cover the subject comprehensively. We discuss assisted reproductive technologies, such as IVF, and I explain that, yes, their dad and I do still engage in sexual activity as part of our relationship.
Misleading children about sex does no one any favors. Statements like “sex is only between mommies and daddies” can lead to misunderstandings during their adolescent years. Such misconceptions can blur the lines between love and lust, leading to potentially harmful conclusions.
The reality is that human beings, by nature, are often drawn to sex. It is inherently pleasurable and serves a biological purpose. The idea that sex is special simply because it is sex is misleading. Consequentially, it’s possible to have enjoyable experiences with partners whose names you might not even know. Yet, just because it’s possible doesn’t mean it’s wise.
Sex-positive parenting involves providing children with truthful information that empowers them to make informed choices. It means teaching them that while sex is pleasurable, it can also come with risks. They need to learn about safe practices, like using condoms, and understand that feeling good isn’t exclusively tied to sexual activity.
Moreover, it’s crucial to convey that having sexual feelings or engaging in sex is not inherently wrong or sinful. It’s about preparing them for the realities of life and giving them the tools they need to navigate relationships responsibly.
Sex education often presents a stark choice: fear-based abstinence or open discussion. Many abstinence-only programs fail to effectively reduce teen pregnancy rates. By providing children with accurate information, we empower them to make choices based on their own readiness and understanding.
As I remind my kids that “we don’t touch our vulvas at the table,” I’m instilling lessons about consent and boundaries. The foundation for future discussions is being laid, so when the day arrives for more complex topics like consent and healthy relationships, they won’t feel awkward or uncomfortable approaching me.
Ultimately, I want my children to know that their bodies are theirs, and they are in control of their choices. I strive to be a supportive presence in their lives, even if they make less-than-ideal decisions.
For more resources on reproductive health and home insemination, consider visiting MedlinePlus, which offers excellent information on pregnancy. If you’re interested in home insemination options, this guide provides valuable insights and tools. Additionally, Cryobaby is a trusted authority in this field.
In Summary:
Open communication about bodily autonomy and sex is essential for fostering healthy attitudes in children. By teaching them about privacy, consent, and the realities of their bodies, we empower them to make informed decisions as they grow.
Leave a Reply