Have you heard about that café owner who got upset over a child making a mess on her floor? Or the restaurant that decided to ban kids after 7 PM? Honestly, that’s absurd. If you’re in the business of serving food, you should expect a bit of chaos, especially when children are involved, right?
That said, I genuinely feel bad when my kids turn into little tornadoes at restaurants. I’m often so preoccupied with keeping them in check and ensuring they eat something—anything—that I completely lose sight of how disruptive we might be to other diners and the hard-working staff. When the meal finally concludes, I often find myself thinking, “Thank goodness that’s over,” while wondering how I’m going to pay for the experience.
So, here’s an open letter of apology to any server who has ever had the misfortune of waiting on my family:
Dear Respected Server,
Wow, we survived! Just barely. I can only imagine how you envisioned your shift when you put on that neat apron, and I apologize for all the chaos my family caused tonight. Here’s my sincere list of regrets:
- I’m sorry my child emptied every sugar and sweetener packet onto the table. I attempted to tidy up, but let’s be honest, it’s a losing battle once they’re covered in saliva.
- I apologize for laughing when you mentioned the cocktail specials. I realize I probably looked like I could use a drink or six. But trust me, it’s hard to enjoy a cocktail when you’re managing two little ones who can’t even eat on their own. Maybe I’ll swing by for that drink in about 18 years—or tonight, if my baby monitor allows.
- I’m sorry for the slight mishap when I laughed too hard and, well, let’s just say I had a little accident. Even after a C-section, things can slip out unexpectedly.
- I regret bringing my own food for my picky eaters, which took up extra space at the table even though only one of us intended to order. I know you have a kids’ menu, but my little ones won’t touch anything on it. Should you ever add peach yogurt, Pirate Booty, or craisins, please let me know.
- I apologize for the sticky situation left for the next table after us. I should have mentioned the jelly spill under our table, my bad!
- I’m sorry my child decided to explore the cheese shaker with her tongue. It’s just one of those things you can’t catch in time when you’re preoccupied with your son who is once again trying to dump yogurt into my purse.
- I regret that my kid monopolized the iPad with Caillou and cranked up the volume. I can’t explain why he’s four and still bald or why the character’s mother is just called Mommy. By the way, a good time to offer those cocktail specials again would have been appreciated!
- I apologize for the disaster zone of peas, bananas, and Cheerios beneath the highchair when we left. It looked like a piñata had exploded.
- I’m really sorry for whatever incident happened with the wall. If you haven’t found it yet, you probably will soon.
- I regret that we may have scared away the adults at the next table. But hey, who wants to serve a bunch of overly indulgent diners anyway?
- I’m sorry for the eye daggers I shot your way when you thought it was a good idea to ask us about dessert. Moms are experts at lip-reading “Do you want a dessert menu?”
- Lastly, I apologize for unbuttoning my pants at the table and forgetting to do up my fly when I stood up. I usually wear maternity jeans, but I tried normal pants for the night out. Lesson learned!
I hope you find some joy in the generous tip we left you. You truly deserved every penny for managing our lovely chaos.
Looking forward to seeing you again soon!
Sincerely,
A Grateful Parent
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Summary
In this humorous yet heartfelt letter, a parent expresses remorse to restaurant staff for the chaos caused by their children during dining experiences. The parent acknowledges various mishaps and disruptions, ultimately conveying appreciation for the patience and understanding exhibited by waitstaff. This candid reflection resonates with many parents navigating the challenges of dining out with young children.
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