The discourse surrounding Lori Gottlieb’s 2008 article “Marry Him! The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough” in The Atlantic has persisted for six years, morphing into a nexus of derogatory comments and misguided assumptions. As is often the case, the commentary quickly devolves into misogyny, with remarks like, “Just admit she’s a lesbian,” and critiques about women’s perceived self-worth.
For instance, a commentator named Tom123 opines, “Many women tend to have unrealistic expectations of men. They often hold an inflated view of their own attractiveness.” Clearly, he believes that a woman’s self-assessment is irrelevant; her worth is subject to his judgment!
Then there’s the lament of Joe, who at 43 is struggling to find a woman who meets his criteria of intelligence and attractiveness, all while blaming women for their “unrealistic expectations.” He claims, “Women have a skewed sense of reality,” suggesting that a girlfriend of his, who once was attractive, should lower her standards to fit his needs.
What follows is an extensive three-year saga of dating advice for Joe, ranging from church gatherings (dismissed, as they produce “panicky women”) to online dating (deemed unfairly advantageous to women). His feedback on women in his profession is equally disparaging, labeling them “uptight” and suggesting they are overly competitive.
The discourse is as perplexing as it is troubling. Another commentator proposes the idea of “negging,” a tactic designed to undermine a woman’s confidence in order to gain her attention. Meanwhile, another user, Chris, shares his newfound understanding that “WOMEN ARE STUPID,” proudly noting that this epiphany has improved his dating life, despite a recent breakup.
In the midst of these exchanges, anecdotes of personal experiences surface. For example, a user named Raj mentions ending a relationship because his girlfriend wanted him to abandon cultural customs that he holds dear. While he receives little support from others, he does attract the attention of a woman interested in further discussion, perhaps the only bright spot in this otherwise bleak commentary.
Four years ago, Lisa shared her mother’s success in finding love online at an older age, countering the notion of hopelessness that permeates many discussions. Yet, Joe retorts, “Statistically, it’s too late for your mom; her life is, statistically speaking, already over.” Such a bleak outlook continues to dominate the conversations.
The comments do not merely target women; they reflect a broader misunderstanding and hostility toward female independence. A woman, Jenna, asserts her refusal to settle for a partner who does not share her passions, despite being 40 and single. Her determination to maintain her standards prompts backlash, with critics claiming her superiority complex is the reason for her solitude.
As the commentary continues, it reveals a societal dilemma: women are criticized for their choices, whether they choose to become mothers on their own or compromise their standards for a relationship. A user named Kevin states, “Women over 30 who are unmarried must have some flaw that deterred men from marrying them years ago,” revealing the illogical expectations set upon women.
In the end, while the discussions remain fraught with misunderstanding and prejudice, there are voices advocating for self-empowerment and the rejection of settling. Resources like NHS provide valuable insights on family planning and reproductive health. For those interested in alternative paths to motherhood, Make a Mom offers informative guidance on home insemination options.
In summary, the intersection of societal expectations and personal aspirations continues to challenge women as they navigate relationships. The ongoing discourse reveals a troubling mindset that often blames women for their choices while ignoring the complexities of individual circumstances.
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