Dear Parent,
I spotted you recently, and I could see the strain on your face. You were losing your patience, gritting your teeth, and going through the motions of prodding, pleading, and even bribing. When you were anticipating the arrival of your little one, you may have pictured your son thriving as a baseball star or your daughter twirling gracefully in a dance recital. But here you are, feeling utterly drained, with a child who seems overwhelmed and afraid, clinging to you like a lifeline.
You’ve exhausted every strategy imaginable to encourage your child to loosen their grip on your leg and give it a try, but they still aren’t budging. Meanwhile, you watch other children joyfully participate, and you can’t help but wonder why your child is resistant. It’s maddening. Why won’t they just give it a shot?
Your thoughts spiral into scenarios where your child is perpetually on the sidelines—never making the team, always the last to be picked for kickball. You find yourself in a whirlwind of worry: if they don’t dive into swim lessons now, how will they ever become a great swimmer?
You may even ask yourself, “What did I do wrong?” You fear they’ll lag behind their peers forever. “They need to participate! NOW!!!” After all, they’re already… FOUR!!!
As their refusal grows, so does your anxiety and frustration. “What’s wrong with you? Can you just please try?” The very “fun” activity you signed them up for has turned into a source of torture for both of you.
I understand. I’ve been in your shoes. When my youngest, Jake, was three, I enrolled him in a toddler basketball program, thinking it would kickstart his basketball journey. The instructor was young and charismatic, perfect for Jake. Unfortunately, Jake didn’t see it that way. While the other kids eagerly approached the instructor, he clung to me for dear life—for the entire eight weeks. I lost sleep over this seemingly trivial class, fixated on how my three-year-old might be missing out on future opportunities.
Looking back, I realize I should have focused less on my worries and more on his readiness. Instead of listening to Jake, I succumbed to my anxious thoughts. Basketball felt too intimidating for him, so I thought I’d introduce him to something even more daunting: ice skating!
I signed him up for lessons, believing if he was to excel in hockey, he needed to learn to skate early. I still don’t know why I thought this was a good idea—I detest the cold and had never even seen a hockey game. Predictably, Jake was terrified. He held onto my arm with a grip that felt unbreakable as I dragged him toward the rink. Despite his tears and pleas, I was determined that he would learn to skate.
Each week, I’d give him a day to recover from the trauma of the previous lesson, then initiate the “Aren’t you excited for skating?” conversation days in advance. I bribed him with candy, superhero costumes, and DVDs. Nothing worked. No matter how hard I tried to push him, he simply wasn’t ready. He never participated in those skating lessons either.
Watching you the other day brought all these memories flooding back. I want you to know that your child will find their way, in their own time. How do I know? The anxious three- and four-year-old I once tried to force onto the court and the ice is now a confident nine-year-old. He excels in baseball, swimming, and basketball—his coach recently praised his impressive free throw. Just last week, he asked me, “Hey Mom, can I take skating lessons sometime?”
So, take a deep breath. I understand how challenging it is to remain patient and how easy it is to worry, but your child will be ready when the time is right. It could be in five minutes or five years. Rest assured, they won’t miss out on opportunities. When they are ready, they will let you know.
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Summary
Parenting a hesitant child can be incredibly challenging. It’s important to remain patient and understanding, as every child develops at their own pace. Remember that your child will engage when they are ready, whether it takes minutes or years.
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