It’s not uncommon for parents to hesitate when inviting friends over, often saying, “Oh, my place is such a mess.” Upon arrival, the host will typically declare, “Please don’t judge me; my home is a disaster zone. Seriously, it’s a wreck!”
But let’s be honest: these are often exaggerations.
When I step into the homes of these apologetic moms, I find myself torn between laughter and disbelief. “Seriously?” I think. “Your home is immaculate!” Fresh guest towels are neatly displayed, toys are orderly on the rug—not a crumb in sight—and everything from the sippy cups to Play-Doh seems to remain in designated areas. It’s clear that they have a misunderstanding of what “messy” truly means, perhaps stemming from a desire to elicit sympathy or reassurance.
The reality of life with small children means that perfection is not only unrealistic but also unnecessary. So, for all the moms who insist their spotless homes are dirty, let’s clarify what normal really looks like.
Normal
Expect at least one room in your home to remain perpetually cluttered and chaotic. In my house, that’s the dining room, where my great-grandmother’s cherry dining suite is buried under an avalanche of art supplies, sewing projects, and even the occasional train track. I tidy it only for special occasions—otherwise, it’s off-limits to judgmental eyes.
Normal
Laundry is an ongoing saga. At present, I have five baskets of clean clothes occupying space in the laundry room, a feat I consider heroic! However, folding and putting them away is a different story. I once knew a relative who hid an entire pet snake beneath laundry baskets to keep it a secret from her family for weeks—now that’s dedication!
Normal
Dishes accumulate everywhere. The sink, dishwasher, table, and counters are often piled high, leading to creative solutions like using a teaspoon for breakfast. When you find yourself contemplating that odd grapefruit spoon at the bottom of the drawer, it’s time to tackle the dishwasher.
Normal
Kids’ bath toys are usually left in the tub, and the remnants of bath time are clearly visible. Don’t even think about closing that shower curtain; we all know what’s lurking behind it.
Normal
Toys are scattered throughout the house. No matter how diligently you try to corral them, there’s always that one piece that ends up in the most unexpected places—like the ball pit balls that seem to travel everywhere, including the washing machine.
Normal
Cups are strewn about. How is it that kids can never seem to finish a drink without leaving the cup behind? They’ll ask, “Is this good, Mama?” before taking a sip from whatever cup they find.
Normal
There’s likely some artistic damage present. Perhaps your bathtub has permanent tie-dye stains or your kitchen wall bears the marks of an overzealous toddler with a pen.
Normal
Your car’s interior resembles a miniature landfill. Fast food wrappers, spare diapers, and discarded sippy cups are simply part of life.
Normal
You forgot trash day—again. Your garbage can is overflowing, and the recycling bin looks like a collection of all the bottles and cans you’ve accumulated over the last few weeks.
Normal
Dust has likely settled in places you don’t often reach. You might not have dusted since your parents last visited, and that’s okay!
Normal
Some parts of your home are in disrepair. My son has never witnessed us using our master bath shower because we still need to replace the tile. Upon sharing this with fellow parents, I discovered that many of us share similar “disrepair” secrets.
So, there you have it. Either your home is spotless, and you need to stop with the apologies, or you can stop feeling shameful about the realities of raising kids. We’re all navigating the same challenges. I promise I won’t peek into your dining room if you don’t peek into mine.
For more information on home insemination, you can visit Make a Mom, which is an excellent resource. Additionally, check out News Medical for insights into IVF and related topics.
Summary
Embracing the reality of motherhood means accepting that your home will rarely be picture-perfect. From laundry piles to scattered toys, the everyday messes are part of the journey. Connecting with other parents can help alleviate feelings of shame about domestic chaos—because we’re all in this together.
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