When children start school, parents often seek new employment opportunities for their nannies, driven by a sense of obligation. It’s common to see job postings on community boards where parents describe their nannies as “exceptional,” as in, “our exceptional nanny is now available!”
A quick search reveals that the term “exceptional nanny” appears 519 times, while other descriptors like fantastic, incredible, or even good are conspicuously absent. A Google search for “exceptional nanny” returns around 28,000 results, including references from celebrities and various nanny agency advertisements. Qualities such as punctuality, reliability, and warmth—traits I prioritize when hiring—are often overshadowed by the hyperbolic language.
This phenomenon of the term “exceptional nanny” appears frequently in job listings. I reached out to Dr. Rachel Green, a sociology professor and author of Caring in a New Era, who suggests that the term reflects an employer’s attempt to mitigate the guilt associated with placing a low-wage worker in a financially unstable position. She observes that when employers recognize the familial responsibilities of these caregivers, the emotional burden intensifies. By labeling their nannies as “exceptional,” they aim to facilitate a swift transition to another family, alleviating some personal guilt about the precarious situation they’ve created. Additionally, it serves to show that they made an effort to find new employment for the caregiver, further easing their conscience.
Is there any facet of parenting that isn’t riddled with anxiety and guilt? I was recently offered a full-time position but turned it down, largely due to guilt. I had interviewed two nannies I knew to be attentive and caring. However, both were undocumented, and I felt uneasy about the legal implications and the inability to conduct a thorough background check. I grappled with the guilt of leaving my children with someone who lacked formal training and legal documentation. I was also troubled by the inherent power imbalance and the broader issues of an unfair system often affecting immigrant women of color. Ultimately, my decision not to accept the job left me torn; I was frustrated that, despite being willing to pay a fair wage, my entire paycheck would vanish into nanny fees.
Consequently, I declined the job offer and told the nannies I could not employ them, continuing my hectic routine of working during evenings and naptimes while sharing caregiving responsibilities with my husband. This arrangement was hardly beneficial for anyone: the nannies seeking employment, myself wanting a full-time role, or my children needing stable care from less overwhelmed parents.
Interestingly, while many parents describe their nannies as “exceptional,” they often express dissatisfaction with their performance, citing issues like tardiness or lack of engagement. When I discussed this with Dr. Green, who spent years studying the dynamics of caregivers in urban settings, she remarked on the tendency of parents to undervalue the work nannies do, drawing parallels to how society often overlooks the contributions of stay-at-home mothers.
Culturally, caregivers have long been marginalized, often excluded from labor protections like overtime pay and minimum wage laws. A recent proposed rule meant to extend these protections to home-care workers has been delayed. The lack of workplace oversight leaves domestic workers vulnerable to exploitation, and contracts are seldom formalized. Even those earning a “fair” wage frequently face gaps in employment that hinder their ability to save for retirement. Dr. Green notes that parents often impose a double standard regarding care expectations—while they themselves engage in numerous activities, they may expect uninterrupted attentiveness from their nannies.
If I had taken the job and hired a nanny, I suspect I would have fallen into the same patterns as many other employers, allowing guilt and expectations to cloud my judgment. I would have scrutinized every late arrival, every moment devoid of enthusiasm, and might have considered assigning household tasks beyond childcare duties. The unrealistic expectation that my nanny should embody perfection—perhaps more so than I do—would likely create an untenable working relationship.
These underlying issues—the high costs of childcare and the societal undervaluation of caregiving—contribute to a dysfunctional system in American parenting. The financial burden of hiring a nanny or enrolling a child in daycare can deter parents from entering the workforce or compel them to spend a significant portion of their income on childcare, akin to a mortgage payment. Meanwhile, the caregivers themselves are often undercompensated, lacking health insurance or retirement benefits and relying on under-the-table payments that leave them financially vulnerable.
In a flawed system, no party emerges unscathed. The conclusion of the nanny-employer relationship often sees one side posting about their “exceptional nanny” in a bid to smooth over the reality of a precarious employment landscape.
To address these systemic issues, we must advocate for a well-trained, well-compensated, and regulated childcare workforce, alongside pathways for citizenship for caregivers currently in these roles. It’s essential to recognize that childcare is indeed labor, deserving of fair compensation and rights.
The notion of an “exceptional nanny” evokes an unrealistic standard, leading one to wonder: Should we really feel amazed? Can we not find caregivers who are reliable and not at risk of financial hardship when our needs change? Is it possible to pursue our careers without being complicit in an exploitative system?
That would be genuinely, remarkably better.
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Summary
The current American childcare system is deeply flawed, even with employers labeling their nannies as “exceptional.” This term often serves to mask the guilt parents feel about the precarious situations their caregivers face. The undervaluation of caregiving, combined with the high costs associated with childcare, creates a cycle of exploitation and emotional turmoil for all parties involved. Advocating for structural changes in the childcare industry and recognizing caregiving as legitimate labor is essential for fostering a healthier environment for both caregivers and families.
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