Last week, my little girl celebrated her fourth birthday. With her fine, long blonde hair still untrimmed, she chose to experience a special day rather than receive a traditional gift. We visited a new salon called “Sweet and Sassy,” where she enjoyed a princess haircut and updo, complete with sparkly hairspray and a glittery heart tattoo. She was overjoyed by the pampering.
Her birthday was further enhanced by her unique “Pink and Purple Elsa Heart party,” which stood out from the many celebrations we had attended this year. My mother contributed a lovely homemade cake shaped like a heart, adorned with pastel icing in shades of purple and pink and topped with Elsa and Anna candles.
One day, I’ll explain to her why I get emotional when we listen to Demi Lovato’s rendition of “Let It Go” on the iPad. It resonates deeply with my experiences.
A Decade Ago
Nearly a decade ago, I spent Christmas in a mental health facility. At 26, I was abruptly confronted with mental illness, leaving my family feeling helpless and scared about my future. Questions loomed: What would happen to my marriage? Would I return to work? Could I ever live a normal life again?
We shrouded this reality in secrecy, whispering even in the privacy of our home, as if acknowledging my bipolar disorder would bring about some calamity. The shame cut deep, causing me to stifle my tears at night.
Life became a heavy burden, and I often found myself wondering how I would ever piece my shattered existence back together. I wanted to give up, believing that might ease my pain. I adhered to the mantra of “conceal, don’t feel” with friends and family, terrified of judgment and being labeled as different. Yet, there was an inner voice pushing me to share my story.
After nearly two years of silence, I chose to speak out about my struggles on my blog. In that moment, everything shifted for me.
The Holiday Season and Healing
The holiday season isn’t always filled with joy and celebration; some may find themselves in a mental health facility instead. However, as recovery unfolds, we can finally breathe again, taking the first steps toward healing by letting go of our burdens. Christmas is forever altered for me because I am not the same person who entered that hospital.
Years of living with bipolar disorder have taught me that none of us are without flaws. Everyone carries their own struggles and secrets. Since sharing my journey, I’ve experienced profound growth in my relationships, forging deeper connections and even forming new friendships. By revealing our scars, we liberate ourselves. The key to healing lies within us, and although it’s challenging to unlock that door, the reward is invaluable.
Seeking Help
This season, if you find yourself struggling amid the holiday glow, remember that it’s okay to seek help. Don’t allow your secrets to imprison you. Support is available, and when we open our hearts to others and release our shame, we pave the way for healing and love to flourish.
For more insights on navigating motherhood and conception, check out our posts on at-home insemination kits and resources for pregnancy, such as this overview of in vitro fertilization.
Summary
This article reflects on the author’s journey through mental illness, particularly her experience spending Christmas in a mental health facility. It highlights the importance of sharing one’s struggles and the transformative power of vulnerability in building meaningful relationships. The piece encourages readers facing similar challenges to seek help and embrace their stories.
Leave a Reply