It seems my marriage is in disrepair; the kind of disrepair that can’t simply be mended with a romantic evening out or a getaway. At this juncture, suggesting such things feels akin to tossing a box of Band-Aids at a broken leg. I’m not interested in merely masking the wounds with ointment in the hopes that they won’t leave scars. We’ve been doing that for far too long. A brief “time out” won’t suffice this time around.
I often think the fault lies with me. My foundation has become unstable, and I’ve been leaning on him more than I should. Lately, my companion, Depression, has been making frequent appearances and seems to thrive nestled right between us. Additionally, my performance as a housekeeper leaves much to be desired; often, he returns home to a scene reminiscent of a tornado aftermath. Oh, the laundry is sky-high, and you’re out of clean boxer shorts for tomorrow? My apologies, I was busy ensuring our child didn’t choke or sustain a serious injury. You’re welcome.
We are both exhausted—exhausted in a way one might read about in a novel, stressed by the lovely life we’ve built together. Currently, there’s insufficient time to appreciate it, and instead, we find ourselves resenting one another, arguing over trivial matters. Some claim that children unite couples. Perhaps… in the delivery room and maybe in a nursing home, but outside of those moments? I think that’s highly misleading.
Our parenting approaches are vastly different. I’ve taken on the role of the strict one, where “no” means “no.” On the other hand, he often leans towards a more lenient stance, where “maybe” tends to translate into “yes.” It feels as though I’m constantly the “bad cop” with our teenager and four-year-old, and he fails to comprehend why that bothers me. Spending all day caring for a toddler, by the time he arrives home, I’m practically at the door ready to escape. Cooking dinner? That’s a joke.
I’m unsure why I believed this would be more manageable. It feels like we’re the only couple grappling with the pressures of our seemingly perfect life because no one discusses these struggles. “Do you ever find yourself disliking your husband?” is not a question I’d feel comfortable asking, fearing the response might be, “Oh my, how could I? Our life is flawless.” Curse you, June and Ward Cleaver, for portraying it as so easy. There is nothing simple about this.
Today, I long for my marriage. I miss my best friend and the unwavering bond we shared before these wonderful blessings arrived and complicated everything. We used to elevate each other; we were a true team. Together, we felt invincible.
If you’re on a similar journey, consider exploring resources like Resolve for insightful information on family building. For couples navigating this path, Make A Mom offers an excellent guide to intracervical insemination. And for those looking to enhance their fertility, check out this fertility booster post.
In summary, it’s essential to acknowledge that marriage can become strained under the weight of expectations, parenting differences, and emotional challenges. Open communication and seeking support can pave the way for healing and reconnection.
Leave a Reply