I Am Not Constantly Available to My Family (Unless There’s a Genuine Emergency)

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I Am Not Constantly Available to My Family (Unless There’s a Genuine Emergency)

by Emily Carter

April 2, 2023

I vividly remember munching on crunchy snacks while watching a commercial for a particular perfume back in the ’80s. I was a young girl enchanted by the world of fragrances, but I found the advertisement utterly ridiculous. The woman in it was flipping her perfect hair and singing about balancing work, family, and romance, all while looking pristine. She was cooking dinner, putting the kids to bed, and then spritzing on perfume for her partner, all while I wondered: where was he during all this chaos?

Even at a young age, I was perplexed by why she seemed so thrilled with her life. It appeared exhausting, and I couldn’t fathom when she had time to enjoy herself. Don’t get me wrong—I champion women and their capabilities. If some women thrive on being available around the clock, that’s fantastic. However, I am not one of those women.

I have a limit to my daily energy, and I refuse to dedicate my life to making everyone else happy 24/7. That’s simply not my role. Can we contribute to the household? Absolutely. We work hard and often earn less than our male counterparts, but we still bring home the bacon. Can we cook it? Sure, I can whip up a meal like a pro, but I prefer to do it on my own terms—maybe 55% to 79% of the time.

Some evenings, I like to indulge in takeout, enjoying sushi right from the container. Other times, I declare a “whatever” night, where the family scavenges for food, and we all find joy in the casual chaos. When it comes to parenting, I can manage the kids while juggling other responsibilities, but if there’s any hope for maintaining energy for my relationship later on, I need support. Parenting is a shared responsibility; my partner and I both chose this path together.

I’ve attempted to be that woman who does everything. It was a path filled with resentment and dissatisfaction. I realized I would rather be happy than hear someone ask, “How do you do it all?” The secret? Self-neglect. Just because you can be that superwoman doesn’t mean you should.

While this commercial aired decades ago, the pressure many women feel remains. We still hear stories of women striving to excel in every area—career, home, family, and community—trying to embody that overachieving persona. Yet, that woman is a myth. We all know deep down that attempting to juggle everything leads to burnout. We feel inadequate and drained, and many of us are struggling silently. It’s not about individual failings; it’s about the unrealistic expectations we place on ourselves to be perfect.

We can excel in a few areas, but trying to do everything leads to chaos, and if women everywhere are overwhelmed, it’s only a matter of time before the entire system crumbles.

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In summary, it’s essential to recognize our limits and not succumb to the pressures of being the all-encompassing woman. Balance is key, and prioritizing self-care is vital for a fulfilling life.