Why Does My Teen Treat Prom Like a Secret Mission?

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• Why Does My Teen Treat Prom Like a Secret Mission?

by Lisa Reynolds

Updated: Feb. 16, 2021

Originally Published: April 2, 2017

Navigating the teenage years often feels like stepping into a covert operation, particularly when it comes to significant events like prom. My youngest child, who is now in their junior year, seems to think I’m a rookie when it comes to this rite of passage. As a parent, what’s my best course of action? Ask questions.

Apparently, I’m an overbearing parent for bombarding my teen with inquiries about the upcoming junior prom. With only 3 to 5 minutes of quality time each day (if I’m lucky), usually squeezed in between practice and showering, I want to connect. I try to grab those precious moments during dinner, but with my limited time, I have to be strategic about my queries. It feels like a college basketball shot clock, and too often, I attempt the long shots only to come up empty-handed.

In an effort to unearth the details surrounding this traditional event, I gingerly posed a series of questions weeks in advance. Here’s a selection of my so-called invasive inquiries (with a few demands thrown in):

1. Are you going to the junior prom?
2. Do you want to attend?
3. Have you asked your girlfriend yet?
4. What’s your plan for asking her?
5. What do guys usually wear — tuxedos or suits?
6. Did she say yes?
7. Are you planning on pre-prom activities?
8. When do tickets go on sale?
9. Can you please walk the dog?
10. What are your plans for the evening?
11. Who else is going with you?
12. Can you give me a hint about your plans?
13. What time will you be home?
14. Do you need a ride?
15. Will there be any pre-prom pictures here?
16. Who’s in your friend group?
17. Are you going to dance? You really should, you’re great at it!
18. Do you want to invite your friends over for hair and makeup?
19. Should we order you a tuxedo?
20. Want Dad and me to drop you off?

What did I learn from this barrage of questions? Not much. My teen’s responses were typically grunts, eye-rolls, or disinterested shrugs, which only fueled my frustration. I could almost hear the silent screams of “MY PARENTS ARE SO ANNOYING,” echoing through the airwaves of their Snapchat.

Yet, as I played the role of the persistent parent, I gleaned a few key pieces of information:

• Yes, he does indeed have a girlfriend, and she will be his date for prom. She seems lovely, based on the brief interactions we’ve managed to squeeze in.
• He proposed the idea to her in a charming, budget-friendly manner, which I appreciated.
• A group of their friends is renting a bus for transportation to prom, and they’ll be taking pictures at an undisclosed location that I’m not invited to, but you can bet I’ll try to sneak in for a few snapshots!
• Thankfully, the lacrosse coach has implemented a midnight curfew, ensuring accountability among the boys.

Prom season is fraught with emotions, as teens experience a whirlwind of anticipation and anxiety. It’s a parent’s duty to stay engaged, even when faced with resistance. As I hope for a memorable yet safe experience for my teen, I remind myself that these moments are fleeting.

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Summary:

Prom season can feel like a covert operation for parents as they navigate their teen’s secretive approach to sharing details. Communication is key, and despite the resistance, staying engaged can yield valuable insights into your child’s life.