I first came across Kahlil Gibran’s poignant poem, “On Children,” during my teenage years. I can still hear my father reciting the opening line, “Your children are not your children,” with a tone that carried both nostalgia and insight. Perhaps he was reflecting on the inevitable changes that come with raising kids. Whatever the reason behind his deep connection to those words, they lingered in my mind, waiting for the right moment to resurface.
Now, over two decades later and as a mother of three, I find myself revisiting Gibran’s wisdom with fresh eyes. My eldest is now 16, and I am continually struck by the brilliance of his insights, especially considering Gibran himself was childless. Typically, I am skeptical of parenting advice from those without firsthand experience; yet, I cannot dismiss the truth in this poem. Perhaps it is his lack of parental ties that granted him the clarity to convey such profound truths about parenting.
Reflections on Gibran’s Wisdom
As I reflect on the powerful lines of “On Children,” I am reminded:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
This opening line hits hard. For many parents, there is an innate biological, emotional, and spiritual need to nurture our children. We may have chosen to bring them into this world, but we do not own them. While we can guide them, we do not dictate who they will become. Their existence is a product of a greater force — be it nature, fate, or a divine entity.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
In this moment of reflection, I grapple with the concept of mortality. Our children are not extensions of ourselves; they arrive with their own identities and futures. The potential within them is boundless, and their paths will be shaped by a world we cannot fully comprehend.
We can offer them guidance, yet we cannot impose our beliefs or experiences upon them. They are navigating their own reality, one that is distinct from ours. Gibran’s next lines resonate with me:
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
Time is an unstoppable force, and parents understand this better than anyone. We may wish to freeze moments or rewind the clock, but time continues its relentless march. It is tempting to imprint our desires onto our children, yet they must forge their own destinies. Our lives are intertwined, but ultimately separate.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
As my oldest prepares to step into the world beyond my protection, I feel that bending. It’s a sentiment echoed by many parents — the closer we get to letting go, the more we are stretched. Yet, this discomfort has a purpose.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.
This is a gentle reminder to embrace joy despite the pain, knowing that both we and our children are cherished by a higher power. Our children are distinct individuals, destined to contribute to humanity in ways we can only imagine. They are not truly ours; they are on a journey of their own.
Further Insights
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Conclusion
In summary, Gibran’s “On Children” serves as a powerful reminder of the unique identities our children possess, urging us to embrace our roles as guides rather than owners. As we navigate the complexities of parenting, let us find joy in the journey of raising these remarkable individuals.
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