Many of my conversations with my children begin rather uneventfully. For instance:
Me: "Sweetheart, could you please brush your teeth?" Silence. Me, growing more impatient: "Hey! It's time to brush your teeth!" Still nothing. Me, reaching my limit: "Last chance! Brush your teeth—NOW!" Yet again, nothing. Me, on the verge of a meltdown: "HEY! IT’S TIME TO BRUSH YOUR TEETH RIGHT THIS INSTANT!" Still, no response.
Then, my partner, Mark, chimes in: “Did you hear your mom? It’s time to brush your teeth.” Suddenly, tiny feet scamper off to the bathroom, leaving me in a state of confusion, agitation, and a hint of gratitude.
Why is it that my children seem impervious to my voice? Why do they respond to Mark but not to me? It feels like I’m standing on stage, awkwardly tapping the microphone, asking, “Is this thing on?” Sometimes, I wonder if my words are getting scrambled on their way out, perhaps translated into a language only dogs can comprehend. It’s as if I’m that teacher from the Peanuts cartoons, my words reduced to background noise.
My kids clearly exhibit what I like to term “Selective Listening Syndrome.” The only time they truly hear me is when I’m yelling so loudly that the dogs flee the room. A gentle request? Nothing. A touch on the shoulder while speaking? Maybe—sometimes. If I didn’t occasionally raise my voice, we’d likely accomplish nothing at all.
It’s difficult not to take their poor listening skills to heart, but I suspect I might not be alone in this challenge. Perhaps it’s not just me; maybe it’s a typical kid thing. Research has even indicated that boys, in particular, have a harder time processing women’s voices, requiring a different part of their brain to decipher them. This complexity could explain why they may not respond unless I resort to singing. I’ve been known to belt out, “Get your shoes, we need to go, we are late, we are late,” to the tune of “Let It Go.”
I’ve heard about moms who have sworn off yelling and embraced a calmer approach, which leaves me puzzled. Who are these mythical parents whose children heed their words at a normal volume? What is it about my little ones that they only listen when I’m practically screaming? Why do they ignore my requests, yet respond promptly to Mark’s first ask?
To be clear, I’m not seeking solutions, so please refrain from suggesting I give warnings, whisper, or crouch down to their level when speaking. I’ve encountered all that advice before. In the grand scheme, my children are genuinely good kids. They aren’t disrespectful; they simply become engrossed in whatever they’re doing and occasionally tune out my voice.
And there’s nothing wrong with me, or you, if your kids also show signs of Selective Listening Syndrome. We are all dedicated mothers who sometimes need to vent. It’s a shared experience! Interestingly, this phenomenon doesn’t just manifest when I ask them to do chores; they also seem to have selective hearing when it comes to questions about things they might actually want. “Do you want breakfast?” Silence. “What would you like to drink?” Still nothing. “Anyone want a cookie?” Okay, I’m somewhat relieved they don’t always catch that last one.
Reflecting on it, perhaps Selective Listening Syndrome isn’t entirely a negative trait. After all, quietly muttering under my breath while enjoying a Kit Kat bar is far more enjoyable if no one is listening.
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In summary, it seems that many parents grapple with the phenomenon of children tuning out their voices, leading to frustration and confusion. Yet, this experience is common among parents, and it’s essential to remember that our children are not being disrespectful; they’re simply caught up in their own worlds.
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