We Are All Imperfect Parents (Yes, Even You)

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• We Are All Imperfect Parents (Yes, Even You)

by Jessica Green

April 12, 2023

My toddler recently started walking, and her enthusiasm for it lasted only a brief period. Now, she prefers to sprint around, arms flailing and giggling like a character straight out of a whimsical movie. She races through life, and I find myself constantly rescuing her from potential hazards like the road. Just last week, she was joyfully dashing down the sidewalk when she tripped over a small bump in the pavement. The result? A scraped knee and a bruise on her forehead. At this age, every parent knows their child’s cries well—there’s the tired whimper, the fake wail for attention, and the heart-wrenching scream of true pain.

In hindsight, I could have prevented that tumble. I could have kept her on the soft grass or confined her to the safety of our home. I could have held her hand tightly, ensuring she wouldn’t get hurt. But would that have allowed her to explore and enjoy the world as a child should? Scrapes and bruises come with the territory. They happen when you’re filled with the unbridled joy of being little and are too caught up in the moment to notice an uneven surface beneath your feet.

Lately, it seems we are inundated with reminders of how dangerous the world can be—stories of violence, accidents, and tragedies flood our newsfeeds. It’s only natural to reflect on these incidents and ponder how they might have unfolded differently. We want to believe that such things could never happen to us or our loved ones, as we pride ourselves on being responsible and caring parents. Yet, our anger and fear often lead us to lash out at others.

I observe the vitriol directed at parents who dare to let their children wander free, as if any misstep is a sign of negligence. The disdain aimed at those who already grapple with their parenting choices is palpable. It seems that not having the foresight or the ability to multitask like a superhero makes one an easy target for judgment. But we must remember that the child who experienced an accident could have easily been our own.

Fear can turn us into unkind critics. We forget moments when we, too, were distracted by a conversation or a notification on our phones, instead of keeping a vigilant eye on our children. We convince ourselves that misfortune could never visit us simply because we love our kids so deeply.

Our society often criticizes overprotective parenting, yet simultaneously calls for intervention if a child is seen playing unsupervised in their own yard. We need to acknowledge a hard truth:

We are all imperfect parents.

• You may hover excessively.
• You might not supervise your child closely enough.
• You let them watch TV.
• You’ve used a child harness.
• You focus on a single language.
• You have them enrolled in too many activities.
• You place too much pressure on them.
• You might even coddle them.
• Your baby isn’t socialized enough.
• You breastfed too long.
• You allowed them to eat genetically modified foods—what a monster!

No matter your approach, there’s always someone ready to critique your parenting. Fast forward ten years, and our kids will be teenagers, likely expressing disdain for our choices. In two decades, they might be in therapy, vowing to do everything differently when they become parents. And in thirty years, they will undoubtedly repeat the cycle in ways that others will judge harshly.

Imagine the public scrutiny if any of us faced a moment of imperfection broadcast for all to see. It’s easy to look down on another parent when you’re judging from a distance, unhindered by the pressures of raising children.

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In conclusion, as we navigate the complexities of parenting, let’s remember that perfection is unattainable and that we’re all just doing the best we can, often with a little chaos along the way.