As the morning scramble for school comes to an end, I find myself standing in the kitchen, surveying the aftermath. There are rings from coffee cups, milk spills, and various crumbs scattered across the counter. Soggy cereal lingers in one bowl, while another holds a hardened mass of oatmeal. Meanwhile, the family dog eagerly tries to scavenge the leftover scrambled eggs abandoned by my youngest. In the chaos, I spot my teenager’s forgotten lunch.
I send a quick text:
“Your lunch is still here.”
“Oops! Can you bring it?”
After glancing at my schedule, I let her know I’ll drop it off at school shortly. Her response is immediate: “Thanks, Mom!” I reply with a heart emoji, toss the dirty dishes into the sink, wipe the counters, and carry on with my day.
While this detour to my daughter’s school was unplanned, I don’t mind at all. In fact, I feel happy to help her, despite the common belief that such assistance could hinder her transition into adulthood.
The notion that aiding my teenager will prevent her from learning essential life skills is, quite frankly, misguided. I’m tired of hearing parenting experts warn me that I’m sabotaging her growth by offering support. If I’m too friendly, I’m supposedly crossing the line as a parent. If I do her laundry, I’m said to be coddling her. And if I deliver her forgotten lunch, I’m depriving her of experiencing the consequences of her oversight—like feeling hunger during the school day.
I don’t buy into the idea that the only way to prepare our children for adulthood is to let them face every single challenge alone. While I understand the importance of teaching responsibility and independence, I believe it can be achieved without harsh lessons that might leave them feeling abandoned. Not bringing her lunch would send the message that I’m unavailable when she needs assistance, and that’s not the relationship I want with my daughter.
Yes, self-sufficiency is vital. Young adults must master essential skills such as managing their time, ensuring personal hygiene, and preparing meals. But let’s also acknowledge the pressures teens face today. My daughter juggles a full academic schedule, sports practices, and an array of homework assignments. She’s connected through technology for both her studies and social interactions, and she’s even been turning off her phone early because she’s too exhausted to engage further.
Before you think my daughter is perfect, let me clarify: she can be demanding and sassy. She’ll voice her frustration if her soccer jersey isn’t clean or if we run out of her favorite cereal, often placing the blame squarely on me. In those moments, I remind her that she’s capable of sorting laundry and pressing a few buttons to get things done herself.
We do our children no favors by continuously stepping in to resolve their issues. Navigating uncomfortable situations and overcoming challenges allow them to discover their strengths and areas for improvement. I wholeheartedly support this; however, I also want my kids to understand that asking for help is not a sign of weakness. My aim is to raise not only competent adults but also compassionate individuals who feel loved and supported.
Ultimately, being an adult involves knowing when to take responsibility and when to seek help. By supporting my teenager when she needs it, I’m fostering her confidence and empathy—traits that are sorely needed in our world. Adolescence can be tough, and I refuse to make it any harder for her. So yes, sweetheart, I will gladly bring your lunch today. Just don’t forget to do the laundry when you get home.
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Summary:
Supporting teenagers by helping them with small tasks, like delivering a forgotten lunch, does not hinder their ability to become independent adults. Instead, it fosters a relationship based on understanding and kindness, while also teaching them that it’s okay to seek help when needed. Balancing support and independence is crucial in raising responsible and empathetic adults.
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