When I first contemplated motherhood, I never anticipated the overwhelming presence of germs that would accompany the joys of raising children. I certainly didn’t foresee my future little ones experiencing sudden bouts of illness while we were out and about, or my partner and I navigating the chaos of late-night bathroom emergencies as we tended to our sick children in separate rooms.
As a child, I had my peculiarities, but germs were never a significant concern until I embraced my role as a mother. Suddenly, I found myself surrounded by lively little beings who seemed to be perpetually shedding germs, and I began to question how long it would take before they mastered basic hygiene like using tissues or making it to the toilet in time. Spoiler alert: we’re not there yet.
It felt like I transformed into a germaphobe overnight, embarking on a journey filled with anxiety. I became consumed with counting the days until the latest stomach bug passed (spoiler: it never truly does) and anxiously hoping that I wouldn’t receive a notice about a lice outbreak from school (which, of course, I did).
If you think that being a mom and having germ concerns are mutually exclusive, let me assure you: they are not. I am living proof of this coexistence, and I know there are many other parents out there who share my sentiments. I’ve spotted you, equipped with your shopping cart covers and generously distributing hand sanitizer to fellow parents at the playground. If you relate to any of the following signs, you might be a germaphobe parent:
- Shopping Cart Dilemma: A row of shopping carts feels like a game of Russian roulette. You stand indecisively, contemplating which one last housed a child who neglected to cover their mouth when sneezing, praying that your choice is the “safe” one.
- Hand Sanitizer Aficionado: You could easily run a hand sanitizer business from your home, purse, or vehicle. I carry at least two bottles of my liquid “safety” in my bag, along with sanitizing wipes. My car holds large Costco-sized pumps, and there’s always one on the kitchen counter.
- Avoiding Shared Food: You rarely eat after your kids and vice versa. Sharing a water bottle is out of the question, so kids, remember to bring your own drinks when we venture out, as I prefer to avoid any contagious surprises from your tiny systems.
- Public Restroom Anxiety: You wish you could pull a hazmat suit from your extensive sanitizer supply when entering public restrooms. Instead, you find yourself whispering to your toddler, “Stand still, don’t touch anything. Hands in pockets. Hold your breath if you can.”
- Toys as Germ Magnets: Visiting a children’s museum feels like stepping into a hazardous area. While you do it for your kids, you schedule a week of recovery afterward for the inevitable E. coli they may acquire from communal toys. You scan the room for coughing children, guiding your kids away from potential germ hotspots.
- Handwashing Rituals: Your kids instinctively know to head straight to the sink to wash their hands upon returning from school. Sorry, darlings, but hugs come after your thorough scrubbing session.
- Quarantine During Illness: When your child is sick, they enter a self-imposed quarantine. Cuddling is off the table; you offer sympathetic glances from a distance, thinking, “Oh my goodness, I need a shower!” as you retreat in fear.
- Avoidance of Play Areas: Fast-food playlands are to be avoided at all costs; just hearing the term “ball pit” sends shivers down your spine.
- Public Surfaces as Petri Dishes: Doorknobs, handrails, and other public surfaces resemble Petri dishes to you. Your children quickly learn that eating off public tables is strictly forbidden, and they master flushing toilets with their feet as soon as they’re potty trained.
- Fear of Contagion: When your child mentions that someone in class was sick, you feel the urge to perform a protective ritual, envisioning sprinkling holy water around them. Deep breathing becomes your coping mechanism, as you mentally prepare for the worst.
Yes, it can be exhausting living in this state of heightened awareness, but over time, it does get a bit easier. I recognize that hand sanitizer is often criticized, and I can see your skepticism when I offer some to your children. I understand that my kids’ immune systems may be weaker because I’m the one preventing them from licking windows at the library.
However, if we find ourselves in a public spot and you can’t bring yourself to sit at that unsanitary picnic table, don’t worry, mama. I’ve got your back. Allow me to retrieve a sanitizing wipe from my purse.
For those interested in related topics, you might find our post on home insemination kits informative. Understanding the nuances of parenting can be quite the journey, similar to what you can learn about in vitro fertilization through excellent resources available online.
In summary, being a parent often involves navigating the complexities of germ management, especially when it comes to your little ones. While the challenges can be overwhelming, there’s a sense of camaraderie among those of us who share these experiences—you’re not alone in your germaphobic tendencies.
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