When my children were little, the idea of having them share a room was hardly an issue. Our infants co-slept with us, occupying our bed most nights, and they were generally content as long as they had a play area. However, as our family expanded and matured, we recognized the need for each child to have their own space. Thus, when searching for a new home, our primary goal was to find a larger one.
Upon moving, the kids transitioned from cramped, shoebox-sized rooms to much more spacious quarters. Our eldest and youngest each got their own rooms, while the two middle siblings shared the largest bedroom, which felt positively enormous compared to what they were used to. I spent months gathering cheerful decor, picking up a picture here and a lamp there, to create vibrant, inviting spaces. I was determined to make their new rooms so delightful that they’d never want to leave.
However, reality had other plans.
A year into living in our new house, while they enjoy their rooms during the day, the nightly routine reveals a different story: “Mom, can I sleep with my brothers?” has become a familiar refrain. It baffles me that the pristine bed purchased for our youngest remains virtually untouched, as does our oldest son’s stylish couch-like bed, which is more suitable for lounging than sleeping. Instead, they prefer to cram into the bottom bunk of their middle brothers’ shared room, all four of them in one bed, creating a jumble of limbs. Given their ages—11, 9, 7, and 4—they’re hardly small, and my preschooler is almost the same size as my second-grader. It’s a tight fit, and they seem to enjoy the challenge of finding space among the blankets and pillows.
“Why not sleep in your own beds?” I gently suggest nearly every night, encouraging them to get better rest. I worry about the consequences of sleep deprivation: lower school performance, irritability, and the other concerns that plague a mother’s mind. Yet, when I check on them before heading to bed, I find them sound asleep, entangled like a litter of puppies, sometimes holding hands or resting on one another’s shoulders. Despite their daytime squabbles, at night, they transform into a bundle of brotherly affection.
Though I occasionally remind them to sleep separately, this is one battle I choose not to wage. Yes, their beds remain largely unused, and yes, they appear incredibly uncomfortable huddled together. But I recognize that these moments are fleeting. They’re offering each other unspoken comfort against the imagined fears of the night, creating a bond that I hope will endure through the years.
For now, their closeness is as vital as their need for rest. As we navigate our nightly routine—bedtime, teeth brushing, and all the necessary rituals—this one aspect remains flexible.
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In summary, while I worry about my children’s sleep habits, I also recognize the importance of their bond. Their preference to sleep together fosters a sense of security and companionship that will hopefully last a lifetime.
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