Last weekend, my six-year-old daughter, Emily, attended her first baby shower. A family friend was expecting a baby girl, and it was delightful that the event welcomed children. As expected, Emily was enchanted by the elaborate pink decorations and the candy buffet. On our drive home, she had a multitude of questions.
“Mommy, if someone has another baby next year, can they have another shower?” she asked.
“I believe so. Every new life deserves to be celebrated,” I replied. “Besides, I’m always in favor of cake.”
“Are you going to have more babies, Mommy?”
I told her that I wouldn’t, leading her to contemplate her future family.
“I don’t care if I have a boy or a girl. I just want a healthy baby,” she declared.
I realized I had uttered that very phrase countless times during my own pregnancy. When asked about my preference for a boy or girl, I often defaulted to the socially accepted response of wanting a healthy baby, without truly considering the implications of those words.
Hearing my daughter speak those words struck me differently. It was as if they carried a weight I had overlooked. When we express, “I just want a healthy baby,” we unintentionally imply that a child who is anything less than healthy is somehow a disappointment. Yet, this mindset disregards the reality faced by many families who have children with special needs.
In my experience, every parent I know cherishes their child, regardless of health status. The love for a child is not contingent upon their health. So why do we continue to say we only want a healthy child?
Perhaps what we mean is that we wish to avoid our children suffering, which is a natural instinct. However, such phrasing can perpetuate ableism, excluding families of children with varying abilities.
Instead of echoing the conventional phrase, let’s focus on a more inclusive sentiment:
“I want the child I am meant to have.”
This phrasing is kinder, more accurate, and embraces all possibilities. It expresses love, acceptance, and gratitude without the conditions that may lead to disappointment.
When I told Emily, “Would you love your babies any less if they were sick?” she responded with laughter, “Of course not!”
“Do you think I would want you any less if you weren’t healthy? Absolutely not. I love you no matter what,” I reassured her.
She affirmed, “I’m going to love my babies the same way.”
I explained that while not every baby is born healthy, every life is worthy of love and celebration.
“Every baby should be celebrated, right, Mommy?” she asked.
“Absolutely,” I replied.
“And with cake!” she added, to which I agreed wholeheartedly.
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In summary, when welcoming a new life, let us shift our language to embrace love and acceptance in all forms. Rather than focusing solely on health, we can celebrate the uniqueness of each child and the joy they bring into our lives.
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