As a parent, I’ve learned that children often mirror both the positive and negative aspects of their parents. When my children push my buttons, I realize it’s often due to a reflection of my own traits—traits I’ve spent years in therapy unpacking. My daughter’s strong will can be challenging, yet it’s a quality that often leads to independence and success in adulthood. I remind myself that the effort I invest now will reap rewards when she’s thriving on her own.
The most challenging days are often overshadowed by her joyous laughter, unexpected love notes tucked away in her backpack, and handmade projects expressing affection. These small moments create a balance, allowing for growth and survival during the parenting journey.
At just seven years old, my daughter demonstrates both resilience and creativity. Recently, when a construction block set arrived missing over 40 pieces, she found a way to adapt instead of breaking down in frustration. She not only improvised with spare parts but also reached out to customer service, receiving a response that made her day. I envision her as a future leader, navigating challenges with confidence. However, this adaptability comes with a caveat—she often prioritizes the needs of others, leading to frequent apologies.
Every day in our home, I hear her say, “I’m sorry.” Whether it’s for a muffin tin that doesn’t meet my expectations or for her brothers’ messes, the apologies flow. While I appreciate manners, the habitual need to apologize for things beyond her control concerns me. It’s a pattern I recognize in myself, learned and perpetuated through my own behavior.
I first noticed her excessive apologizing around age four. Despite my attempts to correct her, I was struck by the realization that she had picked up this habit from me. Just this morning, I caught myself apologizing for asking her to check on the muffins, highlighting a cycle I wish to break.
The issue of women minimizing themselves isn’t new, as noted by thought leaders like Sheryl Sandberg. Even in professional settings, women often shy away from asserting their needs, fearing backlash for being perceived as “difficult.” I’ve inadvertently contributed to this cycle, and for that, I feel a deep sense of regret.
The good news is that I’m raising a daughter who seeks harmony and is willing to take responsibility when necessary. However, I must also teach her not to assume blame for things that aren’t her fault, nor to apologize for simply existing or having needs. It’s essential to distinguish between genuine accountability and unnecessary self-diminishment.
By consciously reframing our language and actions, I aim to help her learn how to express empathy without defaulting to apologies. It starts with me. No more “sorry confetti”—only intention and clarity in our interactions.
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In summary, as I navigate the challenges of parenting, my goal is to empower my daughter to take ownership of her feelings and experiences without the need to apologize unnecessarily. It’s a journey of growth, not just for her, but for me as well.
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