When discussions arise about extended breastfeeding, particularly beyond the age of one, it is common for someone to remark, “After a certain age, the mother is doing it more for herself than for the child.” This comment often elicits laughter from mothers who have breastfed toddlers or preschoolers.
I nursed my three children until they were just over three years old, though I never had a specific duration in mind. My approach was simple: I would allow them to decide when they were ready to stop. Having been raised by a La Leche League leader who became a lactation consultant, I was familiar with the practice; my mother mentioned that I breastfed until I reached 2.5 years, and I witnessed my younger brother nursing until he was in preschool. The World Health Organization even recommends breastfeeding for at least two years, so extended nursing felt completely normal to me.
Initially, I had no plans to nurse for that long. However, the reality of breastfeeding a three-year-old is quite different from what one might imagine. It begins with a newborn, and as they grow, their nursing habits evolve. They gradually nurse less frequently, often settling into a routine of just once or twice a day. There is no specific age where it suddenly feels awkward; while it can be exhausting at times, it never felt strange.
I often ponder the argument that extended breastfeeding is more for the mother’s benefit. Many mothers who practice child-led weaning usually find themselves ready to stop before their children do. For instance, I felt ready to cease nursing around the age of two, but my kids clung to it, especially at bedtime. Abruptly weaning them would have been akin to removing a beloved comfort object—it just wasn’t worth the emotional fallout.
In truth, we were in the process of gradual weaning from the moment my children started eating solid foods. It was a slow journey, guided both by my children’s cues and my own willingness to adjust. Initially, I stopped offering to nurse, responding only to their requests. From there, I began to distract them when they asked to nurse, sometimes successfully and sometimes not. As I became more prepared to end the nursing phase, we established rules about when and where nursing could occur, such as “We only nurse at home now” or “We only nurse at bedtime.” This slow, gentle process unfolded over several years, with new boundaries introduced to ease the transition. Ultimately, my children only nursed in the mornings, which became a cherished routine.
Throughout this experience, I never found myself wishing to breastfeed. In the early days, when I was engorged, nursing provided relief, but beyond that, it wasn’t about my desires. Those who claim that mothers who breastfeed past a year do so for their own gratification clearly lack firsthand experience with nursing a toddler. While the bonding aspect is undeniable, the demands of a toddler can be quite intense. Although I didn’t resent it, it certainly wasn’t always a delightful experience for me either. However, given that research indicates no negative effects of nursing beyond a year and that breast milk remains beneficial throughout the nursing period, I chose to allow my children to wean at their own pace.
So, to clarify, I did not continue breastfeeding my children past infancy to cling to their youth, to fulfill my own needs, or to derive personal pleasure from it—such assumptions are not only misguided but also offensive. They verge on inappropriate insinuations about a mother’s intentions, which can be quite disturbing.
I fail to understand why some feel compelled to make baseless assumptions about experiences they haven’t lived. While the idea of a toddler or preschooler nursing may seem strange to those unfamiliar with it, being unfamiliar does not equate to being unhealthy or inappropriate.
To those who have nursed children past the age of one, know that it is a gradual weaning process embraced by billions of women throughout history. It is simply a natural part of child development.
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In summary, extended breastfeeding is a natural and beneficial practice that does not revolve around the mother’s needs or desires. It reflects a gradual, child-led process that millions of mothers have navigated throughout history.
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