In conversations, I often find myself sharing too much—it’s just part of who I am. Recently, I had a dialogue with a colleague, a newcomer in my professional circle, who was curious about my life, including my kids and vacations. When she inquired about my marital status, I replied, “No, but I have a positive relationship with my child’s father. We’re together in spirit but live separately.”
Her reaction was the same puzzled expression I often receive. Many people struggle to comprehend non-traditional family structures, especially across generational lines. Then she remarked, “Well, that’s an interesting arrangement. It seems like so much dysfunction for kids these days. Broken homes are the norm with all these divorces. Nobody stays married anymore.”
I cannot express how much I despise the terminology of “dysfunction” when it comes to families. Similarly, I find “broken” homes to be a disheartening label. This exchange made me reflect on why divorce is often equated with dysfunction.
It’s a rhetorical question, of course, but it left me frustrated. The notion that divorce equates to dysfunction and brokenness is a narrative that needs to change. These terms may capture fleeting feelings during the divorce process, but they should not define families.
Such negative labels can be harmful. Although we hear them less frequently nowadays due to the rising number of divorces, they still linger. It’s time to discard the idea that families not adhering to the traditional narrative of marriage are somehow dysfunctional or broken. My family is neither. My child should not be led to believe otherwise. If I remained in my marriage, which was fraught with conflict and unhappiness at the time of separation, wouldn’t that situation be the true definition of brokenness?
Now, our child has two loving homes. She alternates between them, and while there are challenges, the key is that she has two parents who care deeply for her. Our family functions well, despite the label of “divorce.” The truth is, no one is broken. Hearts may feel the sting of separation, but they heal with time.
So let’s abandon the idea of brokenness. Our new normal is not dysfunctional. Society must move away from unrealistic ideals of family perfection. None of us are perfect, and we all know it.
Every family, whether through separation or blending with new partners and stepchildren, has its own unique beauty. These families may not fit the idyllic image of a single unit at a soccer game or a family vacation, but they all strive to function at their best. Ultimately, love prevails—love for our children is paramount. We, as parents, make choices with their well-being in mind.
Can we, as a society, improve our perspective? Can we recognize that families who have experienced divorce are simply navigating their journey as best they can? While I didn’t grow up in a divorced family, many of my friends did, and they are thriving, successful individuals. They are not broken; they are resilient.
All families possess their own unique charm. They function, not in a perfect manner, but with love at the core.
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In summary, families can thrive despite the challenges of divorce. Love, not labels, defines our relationships and how we function as families.
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