By: Jamie Thompson
Date: May 10, 2023
“I apologize,” I say to my teenage sitter, Jake, glancing at the clock. It’s 2:45 PM, and I had promised to pick him up at 3:00. He waves me off. “No problem,” he replies.
“Actually, I need to explain,” I continue. “I have ADHD. My choices are either to arrive late and rush or to compensate by arriving too early. So, I tend to overcompensate. I was aiming to be 25 minutes early, but I had to circle around for a bit.”
Jake chuckles, and I join him. My kids in the back seat roll their eyes; they know I’m serious. We often find ourselves arriving at our homeschool co-op a solid half-hour ahead of schedule. I load them into the car, calculate our arrival time, and end up taking an unnecessarily long detour. We sing along to The Beatles to pass the time. It’s not terrible, just another delay in our busy lives.
As a mother with ADHD, I often find myself battling wasted time and unfinished tasks. Despite being on medication, I struggle with basic parenting duties that come easily to others.
Laundry is a prime example. While my hampers sit empty, my kitchen is cluttered with baskets overflowing with clean clothes. I need to sort and transport them to their respective rooms, but I’ve long abandoned the idea of folding them neatly into drawers. Just one basket would take around 10 minutes, yet I have 12 loads waiting. This transforms a simple chore into an overwhelming event. I avoid it, can’t seem to find the time, and by day’s end, I’m too exhausted to tackle it. So, the baskets remain, mocking me from the table.
My partner, Alex, also has ADHD and treats chores similarly. We often have to politely ask guests to steer clear of our kitchen chaos.
Our eldest, Leo, shares our condition, adding to the disarray. He frequently forgets his backpack at co-op, church, or brunch. We find ourselves driving to retrieve his well-loved Star Wars backpack from various locations. Thankfully, I’m so attached to my phone—another common trait among those with ADHD—that I rarely misplace it. However, we do leave toys at parks and often forget essential items like shoes or lunches, resorting to fast food when I leave meals at home. Losing smaller items is manageable, but misplacing something critical, like an EpiPen, is a different story.
Routine is vital in our household. I must take my medication first thing in the morning, or I risk forgetting it. After that, I need my coffee for an hour. Our school subjects must follow a strict order: reading, math, social studies, writing, and science—with catechism mixed in. Lunch is at noon, and we have a specific route through Target; deviations lead to missing items on our list.
Then there’s the phenomenon of hyperfocus. This ability allows me to write while my children bounce on the new couches, only snapping back to reality when someone cries. Leo is similarly engrossed in his Ninjago episodes; he won’t hear you unless you physically touch him.
Today, both Leo and I were so focused on his reading that we completely overlooked the younger kids transforming the bathroom into a water park with a diaper sprayer. They claimed they were combating ants, but it was just an excuse to splash water everywhere. They know when we’re deep in concentration, they can get away with almost anything. This is a coping mechanism we’ve developed.
Being a mom with ADHD often means arriving late or too early. It means routinely forgetting wipes, trash bags, or even lunch entirely. Alex frequently has to handle things like presenting the credit card at doctor’s appointments while I’m otherwise occupied. My car resembles a cluttered trash mobile, filled with everything we keep postponing cleaning. Someone is always handing me Leo’s coat, artwork, or that infamous backpack. We misplace library books, and I often don’t notice the glitter glue disaster until it’s too late.
Ultimately, being an ADHD mom is similar to being any mom—exaggerated struggles that are more pronounced and visible. The chaos and enforced routines shape our lives, but we adapt, finding happiness through it all. This is our reality, and we embrace it, even if it means operating in a state of hyperfocus.
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Summary:
Motherhood with ADHD presents unique challenges, from chaotic routines to forgotten items, yet it mirrors the experiences of all mothers, albeit with added intensity. Embracing these struggles leads to a fulfilling life for both the mother and her children, highlighting the importance of adaptation and resilience.
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