It has taken significant time and self-reflection to reach this moment. People often say that parenting doesn’t come with a manual, and they are absolutely correct. After three years of this journey, I’ve come to realize that children don’t need much beyond the basics: nourishment, affection, and rest.
However, adults? They can be incredibly perplexing. It’s the grown-ups who can truly drive you up the wall, and perhaps they should come with instructions. Unfortunately, they don’t. This lack of guidance is what led me to seek therapy, a decision I now consider one of the best I’ve ever made.
I’ve certainly spent countless hours unpacking my feelings, trying to make sense of the individuals who have caused me pain or confusion. My goal has been to learn how to let go of grudges while embracing my emotions fully. And I’m quite adept at it, often performing mental contortions to understand others’ perspectives so that I can forgive them. Yet, there’s one group I find impossible to comprehend or forgive: those who have chosen to ignore my children.
Regrettably, as my therapist pointed out, this behavior is not uncommon. I can’t fathom how some people justify their actions. While I know it’s unwise to dwell on this, I feel compelled to express myself.
To those who vanished from my life when I became a parent, I must ask: What is wrong with you? Do you honestly believe you can profess love for someone for years—throughout their entire life—and then simply ghost them when they enter parenthood? Can you genuinely expect me to believe that your feelings were ever sincere if you completely disregard my children, who are now my heart and soul?
I understand if you don’t want to be part of my life. I’m not without faults; I’m often late, and my humor can be a bit much. But you were there for all of that. You stayed through my ups and downs, only to fade away when my first child arrived. Why?
Initially, it hurt deeply. I wanted nothing more than to share the joy of my new life with you, to introduce you to the amazing little person I had brought into the world. I was eager for you to meet my son, who has the most infectious laugh and a sharp wit. His humor, akin to that of a tiny stand-up comedian, is something I wanted to share.
And my daughter? She’s a whirlwind of energy, exploring the world with boundless curiosity. The soft sound of her tiny feet on the floor is music to my ears, a reminder of the joy that surrounds me. If you don’t find that captivating, it’s truly unfortunate for you.
If you chose to exit my life as soon as I welcomed my children, you left before the best part of the show. You missed out on the immense love and joy these kids bring into our lives.
Through therapy, I’ve finally come to terms with all of this. So here it is, for anyone who needs to hear it: To the friends and family who have ghosted my incredible children, if you lack the interest to know them, then you don’t deserve to be part of their lives. It’s as simple as that.
And I genuinely hope you find happiness. We certainly will.
For those navigating their own journeys into parenthood, consider exploring resources like this article on fertility or this comprehensive guide on couples’ fertility journeys. You can also refer to this CDC resource on infertility for valuable information.
Summary:
In this heartfelt reflection, Jessica Lane expresses her feelings about those who disappeared from her life after she became a parent. Through therapy, she has learned to process her emotions and let go of resentment. She emphasizes the joy her children bring and calls out those who failed to acknowledge their existence, asserting that such individuals do not deserve a place in her family’s life.
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