Pregnancy often attracts unsolicited opinions and inappropriate questions. Here are some strategies for managing those rude comments gracefully.
From inquiries like, “Aren’t you too old to be having a baby?” to “Did you conceive naturally?” many expectant mothers find themselves on the receiving end of insensitive remarks. “When it comes to social norms, people feel free to intrude into the lives of pregnant women,” says Dr. Sarah Larson, a psychologist based in Chicago. Pregnancy’s visibility seems to trigger a sense of entitlement in others, leading them to voice their thoughts without restraint.
Whether the source of the rudeness is a stranger or a family member, it can be challenging to respond in a way that maintains boundaries without being impolite. Author and etiquette expert, Lisa Green, suggests that it’s best to assume most people don’t mean any harm with their comments. “If someone crosses a line, it’s perfectly acceptable to express that you prefer not to discuss it,” she advises. You can also steer the conversation in a different direction, especially if it’s someone you’re familiar with. Remember: you’re not obligated to answer any question that makes you uncomfortable.
Having a response prepared can help you handle intrusive remarks more effectively. “We often prioritize others’ comfort over our own feelings,” Dr. Larson points out. Think ahead about how you want to respond, and tailor your approach to what feels right for you. Here are some real-life examples shared by moms who have faced unwanted questions, along with expert tips on how to manage them.
“Can I Touch Your Belly?”
A memorable story involves a woman named Emily who, during a family gathering, was unexpectedly poked in the stomach by a relative she wasn’t close to. When she expressed discomfort, the relative dismissed her feelings, claiming her status as a great-grandmother gave her permission. Emily firmly stated that her body was her own and that such behavior was unacceptable.
To handle unsolicited touching, you might respond with humor, saying something like, “I’d rather you didn’t—I feel like I’m being petted!” This lighthearted approach can convey your boundaries without causing offense. Dr. Larson notes that some people may feel compelled to touch a pregnant belly as a way to connect with the experience, but it’s essential to assert your comfort.
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In summary, while pregnancy can attract unwanted scrutiny, having a plan for how to address rude comments will empower you to set boundaries without offending anyone. Remember to prioritize your comfort and well-being during this exciting time.
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