A few years back, my father expressed regret over being preoccupied during my upbringing. “I sincerely apologize for that,” he wrote. “I hope you always felt how much I cared for you.” He didn’t elaborate on his remorse, but it wasn’t necessary; I understood, and I remembered.
However, there is something more powerful that remains vivid in my mind. I recall walking across the campus to my father’s office after school for over a decade. Upon my arrival, I would find him at his desk, surrounded by stacks of papers and books. The empty chair next to him may have been intended for a colleague or a student, but I always felt it was there for me.
He would look up, smile, and without fail, cap the black felt-tip pen he used for grading papers. That gesture signaled his readiness to hear about my day. Sometimes I shared minor details, and at other times, I recounted exciting or dramatic events from school. My father listened attentively, nodding along, genuinely enjoying these conversations, which became a cherished routine throughout my education.
Despite his imperfections—losing his temper, working too much, or struggling with depression—my father was always present when I spoke. He was never too busy or distracted to hear my thoughts. This experience taught me that when a child feels truly listened to, they develop a strong sense of self-worth and the belief that their voice matters.
Believing in the significance of your voice can empower you to make important choices: to speak up when uncomfortable, to refuse harmful substances, or to stand up for someone being mistreated. My ability to voice my thoughts stemmed from my father’s attentive listening as I grew.
Now, as a mother to two wonderful daughters, I am committed to passing down my father’s invaluable gift of listening. Over the past decade, I’ve adopted several effective practices to nurture my children’s belief that their voices hold weight. Here are six actionable strategies to empower your children:
- Be Present When They Speak: Stop what you’re doing and make eye contact when your children talk. This shows that you value their thoughts, laying the groundwork for future conversations. If your schedule is tight, designate a specific time each day for focused conversations, like a nightly “talk time” ritual.
- Honor Their Words: Allow your children the time to articulate their thoughts. Even if their opinions differ from yours or seem irrational, providing them the space to express themselves strengthens their ability to communicate.
- Encourage Independence in Communication: When your children need to express something to others, like their coach or a sales clerk, let them practice their words and encourage them to speak for themselves. This empowers them to articulate their feelings and needs.
- Acknowledge Their Expertise: Celebrate their unique skills and knowledge. Whether it’s finding a parked car or remembering names, recognizing their expertise boosts their confidence and encourages them to express themselves.
- Pause Before Responding to Difficult Topics: When your children share challenging news or mistakes, take a moment to collect your thoughts. Respond with gratitude for their honesty, which fosters a trusting environment for open discussions in the future.
- Listen with Intent: Children will eventually face tough situations where they must choose between silence or speaking out. Your attentive presence can instill in them the value of their voice, making it easier for them to reach out during difficult times.
Parenting can be challenging, and there will be days filled with stress and frustration. On those days, resist the urge to label yourself a failure. Instead, focus on one fundamental action: listen.
By fostering a culture of open communication, you encourage your children to believe their voices matter. This belief can truly transform their lives.
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In summary, the act of listening is vital for nurturing confident and expressive children. By being present and valuing their voice, we can profoundly impact their lives.
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