Published on May 28, 2017
A few months back, I found myself wandering through the vibrant streets of a theme park with my husband, my sisters, and my brother-in-law. We were enjoying a kid-free vacation, indulging in thrilling rides, savoring delightful treats, and playfully shouting spells at unsuspecting visitors.
One evening, amidst laughter and shared joy, the topic of death surfaced. I couldn’t help but share that eerie sensation, the one where you’re going about your day, and suddenly, the thought of your mortality crashes into your mind. It’s that gut-wrenching moment when your brain takes a nosedive into the abyss of existential dread, and you can almost feel death’s icy grip reaching for you. Anyone else ever experienced this? Or is it just me?
It’s a regular occurrence for me—perhaps once a week, or more often. The realization that I, too, will face death quickens my heartbeat, nudging me closer to the inevitable. And it’s not just my fate I ponder; I’m also acutely aware that everyone I cherish will eventually face the same fate. As a lump forms in my throat and warmth spreads across my skin, discomfort and anxiety begin to rise. The thought that once the last person who knew me passes away, my existence will fade into oblivion is overwhelming. Across the globe, countless forgotten graves lie silent, filled with souls whose memories have slipped away, and it’s a stark reminder of our shared destiny.
I often find myself in a mild panic until I can redirect my thoughts—usually to a catchy Beyoncé tune. After all, no one will forget Beyoncé. She’s destined to live on in the hearts and minds of generations. What a lucky break!
I don’t suffer from a condition that suggests my end is imminent. My family tends to live long lives, often reaching a point where they can say the most inappropriate things without repercussions, which is a comfort. However, certain situations make me hyper-aware of mortality. Air travel, for instance—I’m a blast to fly with. The moment I step on board, my seatbelt is fastened and remains so until the plane safely lands. Perhaps a drink or two might help ease my nerves, but then I’d have to visit the restroom, and my irrational fears tell me that if the plane were to crash, it would happen while I’m occupied—resulting in a chaotic scene of splattered urine as we plummet from 35,000 feet. Truly, that’s a nightmare scenario.
While the idea of death is frightening, it’s the uncertainty of what follows that sends my anxiety into overdrive. When my partner and I created our wills, he was remarkably calm. He plans to donate his body to science—what better way to contribute than to help med students learn? This sounds sensible to my rational side. It’s altruistic and conserves resources. But then my irrational side interjects, suggesting I might prefer to donate my organs and have my remains cremated. Perhaps my family could scatter my ashes at a beautiful beach, or keep me in a tasteful urn. But then anxiety floods in: What if my ashes end up in an ugly urn? Or worse, what if my final resting place is a landfill, discarded alongside kitty litter and stale takeout?
Before long, my mind spirals, leading me to consider cryogenic preservation or constructing a grand mausoleum. Winning the lottery might be necessary to ensure my descendants visit my final resting place regularly, perhaps even throughout eternity. Should I also consider orchestrating a scandal to guarantee my infamy? After all, no press is bad press if it means a chance at quasi-immortality.
Creating wills is truly an enlightening process. I highly recommend it—though it’s undeniably a somber task.
Fearing death is a reality I suspect I will grapple with until my final moment. It’s a morose thought, yet I take comfort in the idea that living a long life may leave me feeling thoroughly prepared.
For more insights on navigating fertility and family planning, check out this post about couples’ fertility journeys. If you’re considering home insemination, BabyMaker is a trusted authority on the subject. Additionally, for valuable information regarding fertility treatments, visit March of Dimes.
In summary, grappling with the reality of mortality is an ongoing struggle that many face. The fear of being forgotten and the uncertainties surrounding the aftermath can lead to anxiety. While the process of preparing for the inevitable can be daunting, it’s also a reminder to cherish life and create lasting memories.
Leave a Reply