During my initial college semester, I enrolled in Calculus 101. Having excelled in precalculus during high school and enjoying the challenge of proofs, I assumed that as long as I attended class sporadically, studied, and completed assignments, I would manage just fine.
I distinctly remember scoring a D on my first exam.
After enduring a tough semester and only managing a C with a tutor’s assistance, I quickly labeled myself “not a math person.” I switched my major to Spanish and never looked back at math.
This sentiment isn’t isolated. Many students grapple with the reality that college-level calculus is daunting. Yet, I can’t help but question whether I truly lacked an affinity for math or if I simply chose to shy away from it due to fear of struggle or failure.
In a thought-provoking article in Scientific American, Jamie Thompson discusses how the educational system in the U.S. — and our culture at large — discourages children from engaging in STEM fields by failing to teach them how to cope with failure. Unlike my experience, Thompson persevered through calculus, learned to accept failure as part of the learning process, and built a successful career in science.
While my journey has been fulfilling, earning a J.D. and establishing a career as a writer, I often wonder how my life might have differed if I hadn’t dismissed math and science so readily. It’s crucial to consider how many individuals abandon their true talents due to the challenges they face.
Moreover, this fear of imperfection disproportionately affects girls and women. In a compelling TED talk, Samantha Lee, founder of Tech Girls Unite, emphasized that girls are conditioned to prioritize perfection, while boys are encouraged to embrace bravery.
“Girls are typically raised to avoid risk and failure,” she stated. “We’re groomed to be pleasant, play it safe, and achieve straight A’s. Boys, conversely, are taught to take chances, climb high, and leap into the unknown. By adulthood, they’re more accustomed to taking risks, whether negotiating a salary or initiating a date.”
This aversion to failure is particularly detrimental in STEM fields, which thrive on experimentation and learning from setbacks. As noted by Thompson, our national discomfort with failure poses long-term risks for advancement in STEM. Despite the abundance of scientists in the U.S., many are immigrants or children of immigrants, and recent immigration policies threaten to impair this vital pipeline.
Thompson observed that “While the U.S. is home to numerous scientists, the number born here is dwindling.” The uncertainty surrounding immigration laws could force many aspiring scientists to leave after completing their education, hindering progress in American science.
Samantha Lee pointed out that girls typically outperform boys in STEM subjects through elementary school. However, by adulthood, the pressure for perfection — and the fear of failure — has solidified into significant barriers. According to a report by HP, men will apply for jobs if they meet only 60% of the qualifications, yet women wait until they fulfill 100%.
This statistic is telling. It underscores the need for innovation and the necessity of embracing imperfection in STEM fields. We must encourage our children, especially girls, to be comfortable with risks, recognize failure, and accept their imperfections.
What can we do to promote this mindset? Resilience is key. Thompson states, “Students who view their intelligence as something that can evolve are more resilient in the face of challenges.” This highlights the importance of praising effort and perseverance rather than merely intellect.
Equally vital is demonstrating to children that failure is a part of growth. We should model risk-taking, openly share our missteps, and normalize discussions about our vulnerabilities. Instead of hiding our failures, let’s illustrate how we learn from them and move forward.
Thompson credits her resilience to older students in science who openly shared their setbacks. Their stories inspired her during her own challenging moments.
Discussing our failures and allowing others to witness our stumbles can be difficult. We often feel compelled to present a flawless image. Yet, when we lead by example, showing that it’s okay to take risks and occasionally fall short, we empower others to do the same. This openness fosters an environment ripe for innovation and authenticity.
Our children deserve to thrive in such an environment, and so do we.
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In summary, to cultivate interest in STEM fields among children, we must foster an environment where mistakes are not only accepted but embraced. This approach will empower future generations to pursue their passions without the fear of failure holding them back.

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