Motherhood struck me with overwhelming intensity—a beautiful, cherished experience that felt like being thrust into a whirlwind. From the moment our high-needs baby arrived, we skipped the customary “sleepy newborn” period, diving straight into a realm of constant demand. Our little one craved our attention and care in an all-consuming way, leaving us breathless.
We weren’t naïve; we understood that parenting would be transformative. We anticipated the responsibilities that come with a newborn and the inevitable fatigue that follows. Yet, in our pre-baby fantasies, we mistakenly believed that all babies slept soundly in their cribs, only waking for feeds or when they were ready to rise. We thought that by responding promptly to our child, we could minimize tears—how wrong we were.
At first, we accepted our new reality, convinced that things would eventually settle. However, as the days turned into weeks without any sign of relief, self-doubt crept in, fueled by a barrage of unsolicited advice. Instead of embracing our baby’s needs, we found ourselves battling against them, grappling with notions of sleep associations, distinguishing wants from needs, and questioning our parenting abilities.
In our desperation, we sought to “fix” our baby, yearning to reclaim some semblance of normalcy. We were swimming against a relentless tide. Fortunately, after a challenging six months, I experienced a pivotal shift in perspective that transformed my approach to motherhood.
I’d often heard that it was acceptable to let certain things slide when caring for a newborn. Yet, I had imposed limits on when and how long this was permissible. I was open to seeking help while recovering from childbirth, but I believed I should be managing everything else shortly thereafter—except during periods when our baby was unwell. This unrealistic expectation weighed heavily on my self-esteem and affected my mood, confidence, and ultimately, my bond with my child.
A crucial part of my journey toward acceptance involved recognizing that the permission to let things go could extend indefinitely. With my second baby arriving just 20 months after the first, the combined challenges of high needs and pregnancy meant that it wasn’t until three years later that I began to reintegrate some of those responsibilities back into my life. Gradually, I started to feel more like myself, regaining control over my environment, and no longer feeling perpetually exhausted.
I understood that not everything could slide, and I ensured that the essentials were always addressed, allowing us to lead fulfilling days. However, I learned the art of prioritizing rest over chores or outings when necessary—and I needed to do that a lot for an extended period.
I harbor no shame in this decision, nor do I feel guilty or lazy, despite societal expectations. While I let some tasks fall by the wayside, my primary focus remained on raising my children, responding to their needs both day and night, nurturing them, and ensuring my own well-being. I can confidently say that I’ve been effective in my role as a mother.
I’m engaged in the profound task of nurturing developing minds with love and attention. The chores can wait, as my energies are devoted to what truly matters. If we could measure the worth of simply being present for our children, society might rethink its relentless pursuit of productivity. Some days may feel unproductive, yet being your child’s safe haven is more than enough.
Every moment spent comforting, nursing, nurturing, and simply being with your baby holds immeasurable value—not just for them, but for the family and community as a whole. Time invested in our children is never wasted.
So, grant yourself the permission to let the less critical tasks slide until you feel ready to tackle them without compromising your mental health, rest, or your baby’s needs. You are capable, and you’re doing great, mama.
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Summary
This article discusses the author’s experience with the overwhelming demands of new motherhood, emphasizing the importance of granting oneself permission to let certain tasks slide for the sake of mental health and well-being. It highlights the significance of prioritizing nurturing and being present for children, while also acknowledging the challenges that come with parenting.
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