During my first pregnancy, I found myself pondering a question that, at the time, seemed straightforward: “Is it just me, or do other people think it’s odd when parents kiss their kids on the lips?” I posed this inquiry to my partner, convinced that kissing on the lips was reserved for romantic relationships.
Little did I realize, there existed an entirely different perspective on this topic. My husband, who believed kissing our children on the lips was a completely normal expression of affection, calmly stated, “I plan on kissing our kids that way.” To him, it was a natural display of love, and I assumed his viewpoint was shaped by a particularly affectionate upbringing.
To seek clarity, I consulted a few friends who are mothers. To my surprise, I discovered I was the anomaly; many parents felt comfortable expressing their love through lip kisses. Perhaps my upbringing, which lacked overt displays of affection, influenced my perception. While I still share hugs with my parents and occasionally tease my mother by climbing into her lap, our family dynamics were not particularly touch-oriented. I could easily count the number of times my father kissed my cheek on one hand, and I never felt a void in love because of it.
While I never considered kissing a child on the lips to be inappropriate, I struggled to visualize it as a natural form of expressing love. However, motherhood often prompts reflection and forces you to confront beliefs you hadn’t previously examined.
Once my daughter was born—a healthy, joyful baby who loved to snuggle—I felt comfortable showering her with hugs and gentle kisses on her cheeks, forehead, and even her tiny nose and toes. Nonetheless, I still hesitated when it came to kissing her on the lips. It just felt… peculiar.
That changed dramatically one day when she initiated a kiss herself. Just shy of her first birthday, she was a curious little explorer, crawling and rolling around with uncontainable joy. I was on the floor, busy organizing diapers, when she crawled over to me, climbed onto my lap, and planted a big, drooly kiss right on my lips. This moment was pivotal; it marked the first time she sought that level of affection from me.
In that instant, my beliefs shifted. I realized that what I once thought was an oddity was, in fact, a beautiful expression of love. It was as if she had taken my long-held views and turned them upside down, leading me to embrace the idea of kissing my children on the lips wholeheartedly. I understood that while I would never pressure my kids into any form of affection they weren’t comfortable with, exchanging kisses became a normal part of our expression of love.
Fast forward to today, my once-adorable baby is now five, and her little brother is four. Kissing them on the lips has become a routine part of our interactions, and none of us find it strange. If you feel differently, that’s entirely valid—everyone has their own boundaries surrounding affection. But I’ve come to appreciate this intimate form of connection.
For further insights on parenthood and the dynamics of affection, check out the resources available at Make a Mom and Mount Sinai.
In summary, my perspective on kissing my children on the lips transformed through the simple act of my daughter initiating a kiss. What once seemed unconventional became a cherished way to express our bond.
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