Is It Possible to Go Overboard with Minimalist Parenting?

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While perusing a forum on “minimalist parenting,” I anticipated discussions surrounding instilling gratitude in children, combating the overwhelming consumerism they face from birth, or perhaps a few tips on maintaining a tidier living space. Indeed, there were numerous suggestions on rotating toys, purchasing second-hand clothing, or requesting experience-based gifts from relatives instead of yet another plastic trinket.

However, as the conversation unfolded, an unsettling tone of superiority emerged when someone asked, “What baby items are truly unnecessary?”

• “A diaper genie.” Fair point—the refills can be pricey, and a regular trash bin works just as well.
• “A changing table.” Absolutely! Diapers can be changed on floors, beds, dressers, or even in car backseats.
• “New clothes.” Sure! Babies grow rapidly, and with all the spit-up and diaper messes, saving on clothing makes sense.
• “A crib. We co-slept because we adore our child.” Okay, we feel the same way, but co-sleeping wasn’t a fit for us. My son slept better when he had his own space at six weeks, but every family is different.
• “You definitely don’t need a stroller. We carried our child everywhere.” Yikes—my back wouldn’t survive that. Our independent child has never been fond of being carried, either.
• “A playpen, swing, or Bumbo seat are all unnecessary. The parenting-industrial complex wants you to believe otherwise; you should hold your child all day to foster secure attachment.” So, when do I get to shower or eat? Or teach them that I will return after stepping away?
• “Commercial baby food? Grow your own veggies and blend them! Or, do what real parents do and let your 8-month-old munch on beef jerky like we did!” I tried making my own baby food once, and my kid preferred Gerber. Not worth the fight.
• “All you need are breasts!” This is simply not accurate.
• “Diapers? Even cloth ones waste resources for washing. Use corn husks and teach elimination communication from day one, obviously.” (Alright, the last point is a bit of an exaggeration.)

In a left-leaning parenting group aiming to offer support against the judgments typical in fundamentalist circles, I was surprised by the level of criticism and assumptions being voiced. It seems that such insular groups often foster a sense of self-importance. But since when did minimalism and anti-consumerism turn into a status symbol? Doesn’t that defeat the purpose?

Here’s the reality:

• If you need to place your baby in a swing to help them sleep, or just to take a moment for yourself, that’s completely acceptable.
• If breastfeeding isn’t feasible for you or if pumping at work is exhausting, and you opt for formula, that’s okay.
• If you need to teach your baby to sleep independently so you can reclaim your nights and a semblance of sanity, that’s fine too.
• Should you decide to purchase a plastic toy to prevent a meltdown while out shopping, that’s perfectly reasonable.
• If you find yourself needing to order the next size of clothing online from a big box store using a gift card, even if it’s not eco-friendly, that’s your choice.

Surely, there are items marketed to parents that are truly superfluous. Do I strive to buy second-hand and limit consumption? Absolutely. I believe we could all benefit from being mindful of our consumption habits. But let’s not act as if parenting must be unbearably difficult or inconvenient to be considered “authentic” or “good.” Using a stroller doesn’t make you a mindless consumer, and store-bought baby food isn’t harmful. Breastfeeding may be ideal, but not at the cost of a mother’s mental health.

Before becoming a parent last year, I reminded myself constantly that no parenting principle was worth sacrificing my family’s well-being. I’ve mostly managed to stick to that, though I’ve been stubborn about exclusive breastfeeding and introducing solids. These experiences have often been sources of stress for my husband and me. As for cloth diapering? We’ve adopted a laid-back approach, knowing we can rely on disposables overnight without waking up to a mess.

Disposable diapers and many products we use for our child are indeed luxuries. Acknowledging their environmental impact doesn’t negate their convenience. What your child truly doesn’t need is for you to stress endlessly about your parenting choices. So whether you choose to get a bottle warmer for your baby or skip it entirely, it’s all perfectly fine.

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In summary, parenting can be a complex journey, but it’s important to prioritize your well-being and find what works best for your family without succumbing to unnecessary pressures. Minimalism should not become a breeding ground for judgment; instead, it should serve as a reminder that every family’s needs are unique.