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It struck me as odd that my partner, Sam, and I couldn’t pinpoint the last time we had enjoyed a date together. We sat in our living room, both exhausted after a long day. The clock read past 10 p.m., and thankfully, our three children were finally asleep. It seemed that this late hour was the only window we had to converse without interruptions—no requests for snacks, no homework disputes, and no endless bickering over trivial matters.
I was slumped on the couch, struggling to keep my eyes open while Sam had her laptop open, working on spreadsheets. Our home was in disarray, and with less than seven hours until we had to rise for another hectic day, I felt the pull of sleep. Yet, beneath that fatigue lay a pressing need to connect.
Despite sharing a life, responsibilities, and parenting duties, it felt like we hadn’t had a genuine conversation in what seemed like forever. “Was it last month?” Sam asked.
“Yeah, I think so,” I replied. “We went to see that new superhero movie.” I paused, realization dawning on me. “No, wait. That can’t be right. That film left theaters ages ago. Has it really been that long?”
We both sat in silence, contemplating the change in our relationship. “What happened to us?” she finally asked.
I had no answer.
We used to prioritize date nights, making it a point to go out at least once a month. Yet, with Sam’s job in education, those outings became a distant memory. Our evenings were consumed with corralling our children to bed, tackling grading, and responding to emails. Weekends were no better, filled with soccer practices and more work. Our youngest, at just three years old, was a bundle of energy, while the older two were still too young to babysit, forcing us into a routine where one of us entertained the kids while the other caught up on chores or work.
While there was something admirable about how Sam and I supported each other, it left little room for us as a couple. At times, we felt more like colleagues on opposite schedules, only reconvening to discuss the logistics of our shared responsibilities rather than tending to our relationship’s needs.
This is the reality of being married with young children—everywhere you turn, there are immediate needs that demand attention, often overshadowing the focus on your partnership. You attempt to carve out time for each other, setting ambitious goals of monthly or weekly outings. When that fails, you lower your expectations and settle for binge-watching a show on Netflix, huddled together on the couch for a few moments of comfort.
But then, life throws curveballs. A child decides to resist bedtime, or a new volunteer opportunity emerges, and suddenly the time you once had together evaporates. You convince yourself it’s only a temporary situation, yet one thing leads to another, and before you know it, you’re reminiscing about the last time you truly connected.
Making time for your marriage can feel like balancing a tub of water overhead. It remains steady for a while, but as soon as something shifts, you’re scrambling to maintain balance, and just when you think you’ve got it under control, another disruption occurs. They say that marriage requires consistent upkeep, but few explain what that entails.
After nearly 13 years of marriage, I’ve learned that it often means staying up past your bedtime to watch a show, even when fatigue pulls at you. It means hiring a babysitter for a date night, regardless of financial constraints or time limitations. It involves picking up the phone during work hours, even when you’re not in the mood to chat, simply to listen to your partner vent about something they cannot discuss later. It’s about choosing to prioritize your relationship amidst the chaos of daily life.
“You know,” Sam mused, “one day things will slow down. The kids will grow up, and it’ll just be us.”
I nodded, but a lingering doubt plagued me. “But after 18 years of putting ‘us’ aside, will there still be an ‘us’?” I asked.
Sam didn’t need to respond; we both understood the stakes. We had been together long enough to recognize the dangers of neglecting our marriage for too long, and neither of us wanted that outcome.
I gestured to her computer. “Open Facebook,” I said.
“Why?” she replied, puzzled.
“Let’s find a babysitter for this Saturday.”
“But it’s family movie night!” she protested.
“That can wait,” I insisted. “We need to prioritize ‘mom and dad’ movie night now.”
We spent the following minutes reaching out to every babysitter we knew, and in that time, we also talked about our plans for Saturday night, counting down the days until we could enjoy each other’s company again.
In the whirlwind of family life, it’s crucial to keep your relationship thriving. Whether it’s through scheduling regular date nights or simply making time for a conversation, nurturing your marriage should never be an afterthought. For insightful resources on pregnancy and family planning, consider visiting Nichd.
In conclusion, prioritizing your marriage amidst the demands of parenting is essential for maintaining a fulfilling relationship. As couples, making room for each other amidst life’s chaos is not just a luxury; it’s a necessity.
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