As a single mother, I have navigated the complexities of parenthood mostly on my own, with my son at my side as my constant companion. He is my little buddy, and we share countless joyful moments together. It’s not unusual for passersby to approach us with questions, some of which are innocuous and welcomed. Feel free to ask about his age or his favorite toys, but for the love of all that is sacred, please refrain from inquiring about his father.
Allow me to clarify: if you are a random stranger, please do not pry into my son’s paternal situation. It’s simply none of your business.
Initially, I often provided vague answers implying that his father and I were still together, as it was an easy way to deflect further questioning. While it wasn’t entirely untrue—our relationship was long-distance—I didn’t owe a complete stranger any details.
In many cases, these intrusive questions come from men attempting to gauge my relationship status to see if they might pursue me romantically. This behavior is deeply problematic. If your only hesitation to approach me—a busy mother hurriedly pushing a stroller—is the thought that I may already be involved with someone, it’s time to reassess your priorities. Consider not approaching me simply because I am out with my child. The fact that I am a mother should be enough to dissuade you from making such presumptions, especially when we’re just trying to get on with our day.
My son’s father does play a role in his life, albeit not in a traditional sense, and even if he didn’t, I wouldn’t appreciate a stranger attempting to fill any void. This line of thinking feels predatory and frankly, inappropriate.
I vividly recall one evening while working as a babysitter. I often brought my son along to late-night jobs, and we would usually take an Uber home. On this occasion, we had an older driver who engaged me in small talk. He asked where we had been out so late, and after I explained my job, he bluntly asked, “Where’s his daddy?”
I was taken aback and replied, “It’s just me and him.” He followed up with, “Who takes care of you?” I was stunned and responded, “I take care of me, but we live with my parents.” This was none of his business.
His next question was about my son’s father. “Is the daddy in the picture?” I responded, “Yes, he is,” and promptly ended the conversation. I found myself wishing I could have expressed my irritation more bluntly. What if the father in question was an abusive figure I wanted nothing to do with? Why should it matter to a stranger?
Regrettably, this was not a one-time occurrence. I encountered at least two other drivers who felt entitled to inquire about my son’s father. After that first awkward exchange, I learned to say simply, “He’s in California,” which is true, yet I still often faced more probing questions.
Just because my son’s father isn’t physically present every day doesn’t diminish their relationship or give anyone the right to interrogate me about it. As a single mother, I often feel compelled to fabricate my relationship status even more than I did when I was merely single. I can’t help but wonder if the questions would cease if I wore a wedding ring. Most likely, they wouldn’t care about my son’s paternal involvement; they’re merely interested in my availability for dating.
This feeling of being objectified is dehumanizing. I am no less worthy or complete because I had a child with someone and our relationship didn’t flourish. I am a dedicated mother raising my child without the assistance of a partner. Single moms already have enough on their plates without the added burden of unwanted attention from random men.
To all men reading this, if you find yourself tempted to question a mother about her child’s father or pry into her personal life, please reconsider. If she chooses to share such details, it will be on her terms, not because you intruded upon her space. Respect her privacy and allow her to open up when she feels comfortable.
In addition to navigating the complexities of single motherhood, you might also find useful resources related to home insemination. For example, check out this article on home insemination kits for more information. You can also explore this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination to support your journey.
In conclusion, mothers deserve respect and privacy. Let’s create a world where we can parent without the added stress of unsolicited inquiries.
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