As I approach a significant milestone in my life—turning 40—I’ve come to realize that this age once felt so distant, a time when I believed I would have everything perfectly sorted out. Yet here I stand, navigating through life with the same awkwardness I felt as a teenager, albeit with a few more wrinkles and age spots to accompany my ever-present insecurities.
Over the past four decades, I’ve gradually learned (and continue to learn) the vital skill of not worrying about the opinions of others—at least, not all of them. I’ve started to prioritize what truly matters, letting go of things like rigid diets and whether my children consume their vegetables at every meal. Life is simply too brief to pretend to be someone I’m not. I’ve become adept at detecting inauthenticity, almost like a bloodhound sniffing out a scent. This leads me to one of the most crucial insights I’ve gained: not everyone has to like you.
I wish I could claim to have fully embraced this notion, but I’m still navigating this challenging truth. It’s as if I’ve posted a reminder on the mirror of my nearly 40-year-old self that reads:
REMINDER: Not everyone will resonate with you.
ANOTHER REMINDER: It’s perfectly fine that not everyone likes you.
Some people might not appreciate your honesty or boldness. They may label you as too opinionated, especially when you dare to discuss politics or religion—topics often deemed taboo in “polite” company. That’s okay; you should still advocate for justice, love, and compassion. If your goal is to effect change, sometimes you must be willing to stir the pot, even if it ruffles a few feathers. Keep voicing your thoughts. Keep fighting for what you believe in.
Others might not connect with you because you possess certain qualities they find unappealing, such as swearing too often, laughing too loudly, or talking excessively. Those individuals are simply not your people. Additionally, some may judge you based on race, religion, gender, or political views. You might be seen as too liberal for some and not liberal enough for others. Some may even think you lack the “cool factor” or the level of success that they value. In such cases, it’s important to remember: their opinions do not define your worth.
Occasionally, you may hurt someone, whether intentionally or not. In those moments, it’s essential to acknowledge your mistakes and take steps to make amends. However, there will also be times when someone dislikes you for no discernible reason—just because you don’t align with their preferences. And you know what? That’s perfectly alright. The world doesn’t work on the principle of universal likability, unless perhaps you’re Nutella.
This lesson can be particularly difficult for a self-identified people pleaser like me. I genuinely desire to be liked. Thus, when I feel snubbed—like when someone unfriends me on social media or I’m left out of a gathering—the sting can be profound. Yet the reality is simple and complex: not everyone will like everyone.
Reflecting on what I wish for my children, it’s not fame or popularity I desire for them, but rather happiness and self-acceptance. I want them to be their best selves and to embrace who they are. If I hope for that level of self-love for them, shouldn’t I extend the same grace to myself?
So, while this lesson may be a painful one to learn—and while I would gladly trade places with the universally adored jar of Nutella—I accept that I cannot please everyone. Not everyone will like me, and that’s absolutely fine. Now, where did I put that jar of Nutella?
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In summary, embracing the reality that not everyone will like you is a significant, albeit tough, lesson to learn. It’s essential to focus on self-acceptance and authenticity rather than seeking approval from everyone around you.
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