July 3, 2017
Navigating the journey of raising my daughter with a chromosome deletion is undeniably challenging, and one of my greatest hurdles is resisting the urge to compare her to other children. This issue is not exclusive to parents of children with special needs; many parents find themselves measuring their kids against peers. They often wonder if their children are hitting developmental milestones at the same pace as others: Are they walking, talking, or even eating as much as the child next door? Before I had my daughter, a close friend of mine once told me that as parents, we naturally want our kids to excel — whether that’s in fashion, looks, or academics.
However, having a child with special needs amplifies these comparisons. The discrepancies are more apparent, and developmental delays can be glaringly obvious, even to strangers. When we’re out and about, it’s common for someone to approach us, admiring her and inquiring about her age.
“17 months,” I respond.
And the follow-up question is almost always, “Is she walking yet?”
“Not quite yet,” I typically say, even though the truth is she isn’t even crawling yet. This often leads to a questioning look or even judgment; I can almost hear them thinking, “My cousin’s child is only 12 months, and he’s already walking.” This sentiment is particularly evident when the inquiry comes from other parents. While I usually refrain from offering an explanation — it’s really none of their business — there’s a part of me that wants to justify her progress and, by extension, my efforts as a parent.
Daycare is another environment where comparison rears its ugly head. Not only do I see children her age surpassing her in key milestones, but I also observe younger kids developing skills that she has not yet acquired. As we approach the 18-month mark, children in her class typically transition to the next level, where being a strong walker is essential to avoid accidents with their peers. The plan is for her to remain in the baby classroom a bit longer, which will inevitably widen the gap between her and her classmates.
What frightens me the most is not the difference itself but the uncertainty of whether she will eventually master these skills. While I can let go of my competitive instincts, the unknown is daunting.
Before you consider unfollowing me on social media or avoiding me at gatherings, please understand that I genuinely love hearing about your children and celebrating their achievements. Keep sharing those joys!
I’m also working on curbing my tendency to compare. As the saying goes, “If the grass is greener on the other side, water your own lawn.” My new focus is to celebrate our own mini-milestones, those small victories that often go unnoticed but are significant in our daily lives. For example:
- While my daughter isn’t crawling, she is showing remarkable balance while sitting in my lap!
- Although she hasn’t taken her first steps in the store, she can now sit up independently in the shopping cart!
- Though she isn’t feeding herself just yet, she’s begun to explore new flavors and has developed a fondness for clementines!
Every accomplishment, no matter how small, deserves recognition.
And my celebrations don’t just stop at milestones. I am embracing who my daughter is, unconditionally. She radiates joy; her laughter is contagious, and her smile can light up any room. She cherishes her family and friends, and her determination to learn new things rivals my own focus as a busy parent. Her love of car rides and music assures me that she’ll always enjoy time with her dad.
My daughter is uniquely herself, standing strong without comparison. The more we focus on celebrating her individuality rather than her abilities, the more joy we experience together.
To explore more on parenting and family topics, check out our article on home insemination kits. For further insights on pregnancy, visit Healthline, a great resource for anyone navigating this journey. Additionally, for tools related to self-insemination, consider this comprehensive kit that can help you on your path.
In summary, while the challenges of raising a child with special needs can often lead to feelings of inadequacy through comparison, it’s essential to shift our focus. Celebrating our unique milestones and cherishing who our children are brings immeasurable joy to our lives.
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