As summer finally arrives, I find myself relieved and grateful for a break from the daily grind: no homework, no early morning battles to get my kids out of bed, and certainly no more aimless fridge-staring to figure out what to pack for lunch. But beyond all that, I am genuinely excited that my daughter Mia’s soccer season has wrapped up—for now.
Engaging in a team sport can demand an enormous time commitment from the entire family. Between practices and games, you spend countless hours driving back and forth, volunteering, and cheering enthusiastically from the sidelines. I cherish watching Mia play, and as long as she finds joy in it, I’m more than willing to continue being her personal chauffeur and biggest supporter.
However, one challenge we face as parents, and that Mia encounters as an athlete, is managing the anxiety she experiences while participating in a team sport.
In the days leading up to a game, I can see her worries begin to mount. She dreads the possibility of being assigned the goalie position, which she isn’t particularly fond of due to the immense responsibility it carries. If she lets in a goal, she feels as if she’s hurting the team; conversely, if she successfully blocks a shot, her mindset is that she’s only maintaining the status quo. Her 12-year-old perspective often translates her performance into points gained versus points prevented. When she plays as a forward, she worries her teammates might not reciprocate her passes or might miss an opportunity to shoot. The fear of making the wrong choice or appearing selfish by keeping the ball can weigh heavily on her.
Mia’s anxiety extends beyond simply worrying about her performance. Rather than dissipating once she steps onto the field, it often transforms into a surge of adrenaline that drives her to sprint, though at times, it can overshadow her enjoyment of the game, even when her team is ahead. This isn’t a matter of poor sportsmanship; she’s a fantastic team player, always eager to assist her teammates and help opponents when they stumble. The core issue lies in her anxiety.
She often feels anxious in new situations, needing to know every detail about upcoming events. On family trips, she is the one keeping track of flight numbers and reminding us when it’s time to leave for the airport.
When she becomes anxious, her physical manifestations include jittery movements like arm wiggling and foot tapping. Previously, we believed her focus on details was simply a sign of curiosity, but we’ve come to understand it as an anxiety response. To help her cope with soccer, we begin preparations the night before, ensuring she has enough time to get ready on game day—adjusting her shin guards, wrestling with her knee-high socks, and lacing her cleats. We listen to her concerns and practice deep breathing together. When we ask her if she wants to keep playing, she consistently responds with a “yes.”
We’ve supported her through multiple soccer seasons, encouraging her to face her fears and embrace teamwork. We’ve cheered her on from the sidelines during countless games, even when she appears concerned after a play doesn’t go as expected. We’ve observed her furrowed brow as she prepares to defend the goal, hands ready and slightly bent.
While we recognize her anxiety, we reassure both her and ourselves that learning to manage her nerves is a valuable life skill. However, after six seasons, I’m starting to question whether this experience is genuinely beneficial.
There are undeniable advantages to participating in team sports, such as enhancing self-esteem, promoting fitness, fostering teamwork, and understanding the importance of commitment and practice. I’ve watched Mia develop her skills and take pride in her performances, regardless of the outcome. She’s made wonderful friends and learned about being part of a larger community. These experiences are invaluable, and I appreciate that sports have provided her with these lessons.
Nevertheless, discussions concerning the benefits of team sports often overlook the potential drawbacks for certain children. According to a survey by the National Alliance for Youth Sports, around 70% of kids discontinue playing sports by age 13 because they no longer find it enjoyable. Given the toll that anxiety takes on Mia, I can completely empathize; for some children, the stress of competition can overshadow the potential for fun.
Not every child is destined to thrive in a team environment, and that’s perfectly fine. It doesn’t indicate that they are spoiled or ungrateful, nor does it mean they are incapable of collaborating or achieving shared goals. For children like Mia, who experience low-level anxiety regularly, the pressures of being on a competitive team can exacerbate their stress, hindering their ability to enjoy the game.
Now that soccer is finished for the season, Mia is visibly more relaxed. It’s no surprise that she won’t be joining a team this summer. Instead, she’ll be attending sleepaway camp, where she’s enrolled in tennis and swimming—individual sports that come with less pressure. I genuinely hope she discovers activities that bring her joy and challenge her without the added stress.
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Summary:
Team sports can offer numerous benefits, such as building confidence and teamwork skills, but they may not be suitable for every child. Some kids, like Mia, face anxiety that can overshadow the enjoyment of playing. It’s essential to recognize that not all children will thrive in team environments, and alternatives like individual sports can also provide valuable experiences and joy.
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