Parenting
By Kiera Thompson
Updated: June 22, 2020
Originally Published: July 7, 2017
My son and his father have never shared a particularly close bond. When he was just an infant, I relocated from California back to my hometown in New York to be closer to my family, seeking the support I needed as a first-time mom. His father and I were trying to maintain a long-distance relationship, with hopes of reuniting our family in the near future.
During my son’s early years, I often recorded videos of him to share with his dad, allowing him to witness our child’s growth. As my son grew older, we began video chatting, but as time passed—months turned into years—I realized that despite my efforts, our long-distance relationship was taking a toll. Eventually, my son’s father and I parted ways before I could even consider moving again.
However, I recognized that moving was still essential. My son needed a father, and his dad was willing to step up. Although I felt nervous about this major decision, I knew it was a necessary leap of faith.
The Challenges of Co-Parenting
Co-parenting is challenging, especially at a young age and across long distances. It’s impractical to send a toddler on a plane alone to visit their parent. It requires extra effort to remain present in their life. While my ex was decent with communication, he wasn’t always consistent. The cost of flying from NYC to LA was prohibitive, and most of the time, I had to do the traveling due to my flexible work schedule. Traveling across the country with a toddler is exhausting.
When life got too hectic for me to visit, there was a year gap before he could come to see us, and even then, it was a brief visit. Although he was good about FaceTime, his consistency fluctuated. Video chatting with a toddler can be challenging, but if you’re committed to being involved in their life, you must make the most of the tools available.
Sometimes, my son didn’t want to chat; he simply wanted his dad to watch him play like the other adults in his life. It took time, but they eventually found common ground with games they could enjoy together over video calls.
Setting Boundaries and Making the Move
As the prospect of moving became more serious, I set clear boundaries regarding my expectations. I needed my ex to understand my perspective so we could work together effectively for our son’s benefit. My primary rule was no flaking. At his age, my son is very perceptive; he remembers promises and holds people accountable. I couldn’t risk someone who might be inconsistent in his life. My ex assured me he would be as available as possible.
After making the move, we settled on the West Coast. My ex has made an effort to be present for our son whenever his work allows. He even visited us the night we arrived, just to give our son a goodnight hug before heading to work. It was crucial for him to bond with our son, so I often stepped away for short periods to give them time together. We were both anxious that my son might feel overwhelmed, but they’ve been enjoying each other’s company and he gets sad when his dad has to leave.
They’ve established their own inside jokes and favorite activities, and watching them interact reveals just how similar they are. This type of bonding could never have happened long-distance, and my son is genuinely happy.
Reflections on the Journey
Many people around me were skeptical of my decision, given my ex’s previous lack of judgment. They’ve been there to support me through challenging times. However, I had to accept that he wasn’t ready to be a father initially. Over the years, we’ve had our share of arguments and misunderstandings, but as I began to accept him for who he is, we found a way to co-parent effectively. It’s a continually evolving process, but my son’s well-being remains my priority. So far, this decision appears to be paying off, and I am hopeful for our future.
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Summary
This narrative follows a mother’s journey as she relocates across the country to nurture her son’s relationship with his father. Despite the challenges of co-parenting long-distance, she emphasizes the importance of consistent involvement and establishing a bond. With clear communication and boundaries, their family dynamic improves, leading to a happier life for her son.
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