Updated: July 11, 2023
Originally Published: July 11, 2023
What do you want to be when you grow up? A question most of us faced as children, it’s often perceived as innocent. Yet, for today’s youth, it can heighten anxiety and lead to feelings of inadequacy. It implies that success is tied to becoming someone we are not, suggesting that our self-worth hinges on degrees and accolades in a culture that prizes achievement above all.
This troubling mindset was highlighted by the tragic case of Mark Lee, a 24-year-old medical student who took his own life after being denied residency placements twice. While the complexities surrounding mental health issues among medical students are undeniable, it raises important questions about the messages we send regarding self-worth and failure. Are we adequately equipping our children to handle disappointment? Are we fostering resilience in the face of adversity?
We must reflect on why we, and our children, feel that roles such as friend, parent, or colleague are insufficient. Why do we continue to equate our identities with accomplishments and societal validation?
The “work hard, play hard” ethos often disrupts the critical work-life balance, and this issue is not confined to higher education. It begins far earlier, in the language we use around our children as they contemplate their futures. When we encourage them to evolve into something greater than their authentic selves, we do them a disservice.
In today’s high schools, students grapple with rising levels of anxiety and depression, a trend corroborated by alarming statistics. A study published in Pediatrics revealed a 37% increase in major depression episodes among youth ages 12 to 20 between 2005 and 2014. While some attribute this rise to heightened awareness of mental health, others highlight the adverse effects of excessive screen time and the pressures of a competitive workforce.
One significant factor contributing to these issues is the prevalent “helicopter parenting” style, which aims to shield children from pain and disappointment. The evidence of this approach is evident in schools, where some students lack an understanding of accountability because their parents intervene excessively. A parent bringing a forgotten lunch to school is one thing, but when that same parent constantly solves problems for their child, it undermines their ability to develop critical life skills.
It is imperative that society re-embraces the concepts of disappointment and failure as emotions that should not be avoided. We can only protect our children for so long; when they inevitably confront the realities of life, how will they cope if they have never learned to face failure?
Resilience, perseverance, and the ability to embrace setbacks are essential life qualities. How can we teach our children about success if we do not first instill in them the value of character? We should encourage them to explore who they are and how they wish to grow, rather than fixating on who they might become based solely on their achievements. Sometimes, simply being themselves is more than enough.
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In summary, we must shift our focus from shielding children from every failure to helping them embrace challenges as opportunities for growth. By fostering resilience and character, we can prepare them for the complexities of life.
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